


what doesn't kill me

by SnailsWithWings



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And fucks it all up but makes it better at the same time, BAMF Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto), BAMF oc, Casual Mentions of Death, Cats, Gen, Kakashi Hatake Is A Good Teacher, Kinda, Lots of Cats, Lots of Cursing, Mary Sue Parody, OC Joins Team 7, So much Canon Divergence, Team as Family, at first, bamf sakura haruno, believe me no one wants her to be there, but eventually, but this is the naruto universe so those were there anyways, cursing, extreme lying, i'm having so much fun with this canon divergence actually, its cool don't worry, just warning you, lying, no bashing here, oc is very very mean, oc loves cats, oc somehow ended up living in a carefully-constructed web of lies, she's got it under control, takes a while tho, that takes even longer, then they get better, to everyone don't worry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-20 22:41:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14271087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnailsWithWings/pseuds/SnailsWithWings
Summary: "...should have just tried harder."They thought that Akane Hizashi wasn't suited for shinobi work. But they also thought that she was cute and caring and she tried her best, and that could not be further from the truth.[Updates on Wednesday, I hope]





	1. what fools these mortals be

_This has got to be the most boring thing I have_ _ever_ _experienced_ , thought Akane, leaning her chin on her left palm.  _I would rather be_ _ **dead**_.  


She paused and surveyed the room.  _No, no, that's not true_ , she corrected herself, tapping the desk with her perfectly manicured right hand.  _I would rather all the others be dead_.

"Akane!" Iruka called up at her. "Are you paying attention?"

Akane straightened up and beamed down at him. "Of course I am, Sensei! I'm just a bit tired, is all."

"That's fine," he acknowledged with a nod. "Just make sure you pay attention to what I'm teaching now; it'll be crucial for graduation."

She nodded eagerly. "Of course, Sensei!"

He gave her a small smile, then turned back to the blackboard. The smile slipped off Akane's face like water off glass.  _Heeeere we go again_ , she thought morosely, listening to his voice fade into the background.

She had no idea why Mother made her attend the Academy. Well, the full six years of the Academy. She could have graduated years ago, but  _nooo_ , Akane had to stay with her peers or else she'd wind up being even more of a twisted sociopath than she already was. Jeez. It was just constant bullshit everywhere around her.

Being the only smart person around sucked.

Speaking of...

"Hey hey hey!" Naruto Uzumaki shouted from the front row. "Will this help me become Hokage, Sensei?"

Akane gave a slight smirk at the sight of the blond idiot. Once she took over, he was the first person she'd put to death, but until then, his little outbursts were quite amusing. They happened at least three times a day; much more so if they were learning theory and not practical arts. They were learning theory today, and he had already spoken out six times. This was his seventh.

If Akane had any interest in alcohol, he was the first person she'd make a drinking game based off of.

"It sure will, Naruto," said Iruka in a dull tone of voice that suggested he had said this phrase more times than even someone suffering from arithmomania would care to count.

"How?" Naruto demanded.

"If you paid attention you would find out," said Iruka. "As I was saying-"

"But this is  _boring_ , Sensei!" Naruto declared. "Why can't we learn super cool ninja stuff?"

"I think it's super cool!" Akane chirped.

"Thank you, Akane," said Iruka. "Naruto, if you'd been paying attention to what I was saying in the beginning, and what I just said to your classmate, this material we're reviewing is the biggest part of your written test. If you fail it-"

He was cut off by the sound of snoring. Naruto had fallen asleep.

And honestly, Akane wasn't too far behind him. They'd learned this material two years ago; if people had forgotten since then, they shouldn't be able to pass the graduation exam at all. A ninja should remember everything.

"Can we throw him out, Sensei?" Akane suggested, deliberately picking the words that would lead to the most amusing outcome. If something interesting didn't happen soon, she got the feeling her brain might shut down.

Iruka sighed. "You know we're not allowed to, Akane," he said, before storming over to Naruto. "Naruto, you're distracting the other students! Stop whining and pay attention!"

 _Yeah, that'll work,_ thought Akane sarcastically, smirking slightly. Iruka and Naruto went through this routine every day.

Akane wondered if she should point out that Naruto was clearly ADHD, and would probably never be able to learn from just a lecture.

_...Nah. This is more fun._

The rest of the day passed much in the same vein. Naruto has been assigned detention, which was nothing new. Akane sent him a slight smirk as she passed his desk, and he scowled at her.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, bitch," he grumbled.

"I will," she murmured. "Have fun, moron." She tapped her fingers on his desk mockingly, then swept out of the room.

There was a reason she planned to put Naruto to death, after all. He  _knew_.

The boy seemed to have an uncanny ability to sense what people what thinking. If he were smarter (and was a worse person) he would probably be able to manipulate people quite well. Nearly as well as her. That unnerved her, to say the least.

He had seen her true colours nearly the moment he saw her. Disturbed, she had promptly embarrassed him in front of the whole class, cementing their rivalry. Later, he had tried to convince one of the teachers that she was a "bitch," but no one believed him. And who would? Akane was the cute, eager, if slightly overzealous student, while Naruto was just a dumb class clown.

And over the years, the dance continued. He eventually gave up on trying to show others Akane's true self, and seemed to have devoted himself to becoming stronger than her. She wasn't very worried; she was at the top of the class for a reason.

He hated her even more than he hated Sasuke.

In her opinion, that was one of her greatest victories. For now. She hadn't really had many opportunities for victories yet.

Which was, of course, why she decided to become a shinobi. It wasn't in the family trade; Brother was a great one, yes, but Mother would have been fine with it if Akane decided to stay a civilian like Sister. In fact, she likely would have preferred it.

At least Brother and Sister were supportive.

And ah, there they were.

As much as Akane insisted she didn't need him to pick her up, Kaoru came every day. (Provided he wasn't on a mission, of course.) Fuyu had been tagging along more and more lately, despite her childish fear of the Outside. Akane would be lying if she said she didn't appreciate it.

She skipped over them, red hair flying behind her in the wind. Once she graduated, she would start braiding it, but until then, she liked looking as much as Father as possible.

That was a sentiment that Kaoru had never shared; even though he had the same red hair and green eyes as Akane and Father, he kept it short. Akane knew Brother had never been fond of Father.

"Hey guys!" she chirped as she skidded to a halt next to them. Kaoru eyed her with amusement, as he always did when he saw her in this particular act.

"Bad day?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"So.  _Boring_!" Akane groaned, dropping the act. "We spent  _two hours_  on something we learned two years ago!"

"Why?" asked Fuyu, furrowing her eyebrows.

"The shinobi force wants as much canon fodder as it can reasonably get," said Kaoru, shrugging.

"You shouldn't say that in hearing range of others," Akane scolded him, despite knowing that there was no one noteworthy in said hearing range. It was the thought that counted.

"Yeah, yeah," he said, grinning. "And would your Majesty prefer her eggs scrambled or hard-boiled?"

Akane groaned. "How long are you gonna keep holding that over my head?" she whined.

Kaoru smirked. "Probably at least through your Genin days."

Akane huffed and brushed past him, grabbing Fuyu's smaller hand in her own. "Your hair looks pretty," she said, admiring the braid in her younger sister's snow-white hair.

"Thanks!" Fuyu beamed up ah her. "Mother did it!"

 _Of course she did,_ thought Akane, not without a hint of bitterness. Fuyu was the only one of the three born with Mother's looks, so Mother was only interested in dressing her up. But Fuyu enjoyed it, so Akane kept the hint of jealousy to herself.

"Did anything  _good_ happen today?" asked Fuyu, peering up at Akane with brilliant purple eyes. Akane smiled at her softly.

"My lovely little sister came to pick me up!" she said. Fuyu giggled happily.

On her other side, Kaoru gave a slight snicker. Akane elbowed him in the ribs.

The journey home used to take as little as five minutes, but that was when it was just Kaoru and Akane. When it was them shinobi, they could run over rooftops and do their best to push each other off. But now they were with Fuyu, and so they were forced to walk. (For all their sister trusted  _them_ , she didn't really trust chakra.) Akane didn't much mind. Konoha was lovely in the fall, and it wasn't like she had anything to do at home.

The three of them wandered through the streets for the next half hour. Kaoru insisted on stopping at a street vendor and picking up a milkshake, and Fuyu stopped for five minutes to chat with their neighbor and pet their dog.

But of course, since this is a story and not regular life, something interesting must happen soon or else I wouldn't have included this scene. Here it is.

Akane's slight smile morphed into a cruel smirk as she gazed ahead. Kaoru raised an eyebrow and followed her gaze, to see an orange-clad boy sitting morosely on a swing. He hadn't yet seen them.

Akane dropped Fuyu's hand and strode ahead. "Hey!" she called. "Moron!"

Naruto started and turned to look at her. He scowled. "What are you doing here?" he asked rudely.

"Well, I was going to cut through the park to get home, but it seems that you have once again ruined something." Akane sighed in faux regret. "It's a shame."

Naruto glared. "And you couldn't just walk past?"

"I  _could_ ," said Akane, "but I just wanted to stop by and ask why the  _future Hokage_  is sitting in the park instead of doing anything worthwhile." She sighed again. "I guess you're not just stupid, but lazy as well."

That was a lie, of course. She had seen Naruto slaving away at the training grounds many times. And, on the rare occasion that he passed out, looted his pockets. (He never had much.) But she had two hobbies, and those were lying and putting Naruto Uzumaki down.

Naruto looked about ready to attack her, which she would enjoy. A chance to beat him up was always welcome, but she could never start a fight herself because that was sloppy and Akane Hizashi would rather be dead than be sloppy. Unfortunately, Kaoru seemed to have grown bored of seeing his little sister humiliate the village moron. He walked up and patted her shoulder.

"As amusing as this is," he said dryly, "Akane, unlike him, you have  _worthwhile_ things to do today. Let's go."

Akane nodded and carded her hand through her hair with a bit more flair than what was strictly necessary. "Sure." she spun around. "Come on, Mother would  _hate_  for us to be late."

She stalked away before Naruto could say anything else. Kaoru followed her, clearly amused.

"You two are awful," Fuyu scolded them once they reached her side.

"And bored," said Kaoru. "And, honestly, not very happy people."

Akane shot him a deadpan look. " _I'm_ happy," she insisted.

"So am I," he said. "I was kidding."

Akane huffed, then turned to Fuyu. "Look, Fu, if you don't like it, you don't have to witness it."

"I think that guy's lonely," said Fuyu.

"Exactly! He's the perfect target!" said Akane. "Besides, I'm not just mean to him. I'm mean to  _everyone_."

That was also a lie. Akane was much meaner to Naruto than she was to anyone else. But, to be fair, that was his own mistake — if he hadn't called her out on her bullshit when they were six, she wouldn't have had to torment him for the seven years.

"That doesn't seem like a good excuse," said Fuyu dubiously.

"You'll understand later," said Akane, patting her head. She probably wouldn't; Fuyu was the only genuinely good person in their family, and would likely be that way for the rest of her life. Kaoru and Akane's signs of psychopathy started appearing at a very young age, younger than Fuyu was now. If she was still nice and cute at eight years old, even with more exposure to horror than either Kaoru or Akane had, then she would probably stay that way.

But Fuyu merely nodded and skipped ahead. Akane smiled slightly and followed. Kaoru fell into step beside her.

"So," he said casually, "that's the guy you've been complaining about?"

Akane nodded and sighed (for real this time). "He's so  _annoying_ ," she complained. "No matter how many times I beat him down, he keeps getting back up."

"That kinda admirable," her brother admitted. "You should kill him."

"I should," Akane agreed. "But I can't now, people will be too suspicious."

"Of  _you_?" Kaoru scoffed. "If you killed him, people would probably just suspect an assassin. Be honest, little sister."

Akane glared at him for a few moments, then relented. "I can't get past his security now."

He looked mildly interested. "Security?"

"He has Anbu guards  _all the time_ ," Akane huffed. "I'm good, but not good enough to get past Anbu without being noticed."

"Yet," Kaoru said gently, and ruffled her hair. "You're really talented, you'll get there soon."

Akane beamed at him, a special smile reserved only for the people she liked. Only two people, both of whom were with her now. Inwardly, she felt a bit embarrassed; she was the strongest person in her class by far, she'd killed countless people. Once she became a real ninja, it wouldn't be too long before she was among the strongest of them. She shouldn't be so pleased by a compliment from her older brother.

And yet...

"Hang on," said Kaoru. "That was Naruto Uzumaki, right?"

"Yeah," she agreed. "Why?"

"I've heard of him," he admitted. "I didn't recognize him because I've adamantly refused to be even  _near_ him, but when you mentioned the guard, I remembered."

"Why does he need a guard?" asked Akane, furrowing her brow. "His pranks are weird, but they're not that bad, are they?"

"It's not about his pranks," said Kaoru. "I can't talk about it in public. I'll tell you when we get home."

Then Fuyu came skipping back to them, and they went home and their mother greeted them grudgingly, and Kaoru took Akane to his room and told her a story.

The next day, Akane left a drawing of a fox on Naruto's desk.

。。。

Akane was more observant than most people. And Konoha may be a military village filled with talented ninja, but no one thought to hide anything from a cute Academy student. Besides, many ninja weren't nearly as good at controlling their emotions as they thought they were. She knew something was going on.

If she had to guess, it had something to do with her drawing. No teacher was supposed to even reference the fox, after all, and it was against the law to tell anyone in the class about it. But the Hizashi family had always had a grudge to hold against laws.

She wasn't totally sure what happened after she dropped off the drawing. But for all the teachers seemed natural, she could tell they were nervous. None of the students knew about the Kyuubi, after all, so it  _must_  have been one of the teachers. All of them would have denied it, obviously, so the Hokage must think someone was lying, and now all the teachers were likely under suspicions.

God, how Akane loved chaos.

Even Iruka seemed a bit more wound-up than usual. Even from just taking roll call, Akane could tell he was in a bad mood.

"Naruto Uzumaki?" he called out, and received silence. He paused, then said it one more time. When there was still no response, he sighed explosively and stormed out of the room.

There were a few moments of silence, then Akane piped up. "Do you think he's dead?"

"Hopefully," someone muttered. "Then he won't always be annoying me!"

Ah, that's who it was. Sakura Haruno, the world's most functional piece of cotton candy.

She was of little interest to Akane. She was incredibly easy to manipulate, so Akane didn't pay much attention to her. Sakura, on the other hand, paid a slightly uncomfortable amount of attention to  _her_ ; Akane was the only girl beating her in academics, so naturally Sakura worried about the redhead stealing Sasuke Uchiha's affections.

Akane, personally, couldn't care less. But the pink-haired girl never listened when she tried to explain that to her, so Akane just opted to ignore her. Most of the time.

"I think it's cute!" she giggled.

She absolutely fucking did not think it was cute. In fact, his crush on Sakura was borderline creepy. She loved it.

"He's so  _weird!_ " Sakura protested.

" _Weird_ ly in love..." Akane started, then trailed off. Yeah, that did  _not_  sound right. Sakura just scowled at her.

"I bet he's off playing some dumb prank," one of the kids muttered.

"God, I hope he doesn't graduate," said someone else.

"Don't worry, he won't," Akane assured them, resting her chin on her hand. "Only  _good_  ninja pass!"

They wouldn't either. Akane did her best to ingrain preemptive insecurity issues in everyone's heads.

Small conversations broke out among the classroom. Some people started sleeping. Some people were  _already_  sleeping. Akane had a deep respect for Shikamaru Nara.

Well. Not a  _deep_  respect. Not even respect at all, really. Akane didn't respect anyone. But his habit of sleeping in class was something she found quite amusing.

Twenty minutes passed before Iruka barged back into the classroom. All the standing kids scurried back to their desks with the kind of urgency that generally only occurs when one's mother returns home and you haven't put the groceries in the fridge. But Iruka didn't seem to notice, merely tossing a tied-up Naruto on the floor and putting his hands on his hips.

Akane barely held back a snicker.

"I'm at the end of my rope here, Naruto!" Iruka lectured him. "This is the third time you've skipped class this week!"

 _That's not_ _ **enough**_ , thought Akane sourly. She wanted him gone forever.

"Whatever!" Naruto turned his head away haughtily. "I'm gonna be Hokage, I don't need to come to this stupid school!"

"How are you gonna be Hokage if you don't come to school and learn?" Akane called down, genuinely curious as to his idiotic reasoning.

Iruka sent her a slightly annoyed look, but said nothing, and she pretended not to notice. After all, she was  _slightly socially awkward_  and  _had a hard time reading social cues_. If Iruka didn't want her to interfere with his lectures and teachings, he would need to take her aside and tell her to stop. But he never had, and with barely two days remaining before graduation, he sure as hell wouldn't now.

"Akane's right, Naruto," said Iruka. "Kinda. You're barely passing, you have no right to be skipping!"

"I'm not gonna need any of this bull when I become Hokage!" Naruto protested.

_I wonder how many times he can fit the word Hokage into a single sentence..._

"Naruto!" Iruka yelled. "You can't even perform a simple Transformation jutsu! You have no right to be so high and mighty!" He paused. "You know what- Class! You have a pop quiz, and you can blame Naruto for it. Come down, one at a time, and perform the Transformation jutsu."

For the next few seconds, the room was filled with complaints and the sound of chairs scraping against the floor as people rose to their feet. Everyone glared at Naruto.

"Great job, Naruto," Ino muttered.

"Yeah. Getting us in trouble  _again_ ," Shikamaru agreed.

Personally, Akane didn't see any problem with reviewing the Transformation jutsu -- it was a very versatile technique (not as versatile as the Hizashi's version of it, obviously, but that was a clan technique). But she would never,  _never_ , pass up a chance to make fun of Naruto. "Jeez. Shape up," she called down, standing up in a huff.

Naruto glared at her. "Whatever," he grumbled.

One by one, the other kids in the class went. Most of them were passable at best; Akane could easily detect flaws in them, but either Iruka couldn't or he decided they were too minor to matter. Akane disapproved of both. Any mistake, no matter how minor, needed to be fixed, and if Iruka couldn't see the mistakes, then he really had no right to be a teacher. But... oh well.

"Akane Hizashi!" Iruka called. Akane beamed.

"That's me, Sensei!" she cheered, bouncing over to the front of the room.

"Yes, it is," said Iruka, sounding weary.

Excessive enthusiasm could be a formidable weapon in the right hands.

"Whenever you're ready," said Iruka. Akane scoffed inwardly. She had been ready before she even stepped up. But just for show, she put her hands together into the necessary sign (completely unnecessary and incredibly infuriating; she'd known how to do a sealless Transformation since she was eight) and 'gathered chakra.'

"Transform!" she cheered.

Following the rest of the class, she Transformed into Iruka. Making a few mistakes, of course. The scar on his nose was accentuated, and his head was just a  _bit_  bigger than it really was. Nonetheless, Iruka smiled at her warmly. "That's very good, Akane," he said. Akane scoffed inwardly again, but painted a bright grin on her face.

"Thanks a lot, Sensei!" she giggled. "I worked really hard on it!"

Lies. Lies. So many lies.

"It shows," he said.

_It had_ _**better fucking not-** _

She grinned and waltzed off back to her seat.

That went on for nearly ten minutes. The best (besides from hers) was by Sasuke, this year's Rookie of the Year, followed by Sakura. The worst, by far, was, unsurprisingly...

"Transform!" Naruto shouted. A puff of smoke (far bigger than those of the other students; Akane wrinkled her nose as delicately as possible) enveloped his form. It was rather unsightly, but it was a better covering than his clothes were.

 _And speaking of coverings_...

Akane could barely hold back a laugh as the smoke cleared.  _Or lack thereof_ , she thought as she looked at Naruto's Transformation.

It was a busty young woman, with long blonde hair and no clothes, which was  _still_  a better covering than his normal attire. Akane didn't have a very good view (sitting in the back as she was) but she could barely make out hints of smoke covering the woman's chest and groin. Probably because Naruto didn't really know what to put there.

Still, she had to admit it was clever. And a welcome break in the monotony that had become the day.

Oh dear, whatever would she do without Naruto?

" _Naruto!"_ Iruka shouted, annoyed and embarrassed. Another cloud of smoke rose up and the idiot boy reappeared, laughing heartily.

"Oh boy!" he gasped, clutching his stomach as he guffawed. "You should've- you should've seen your face!"

"So should you!" Akane piped up. "The face was really unrealistic."

Naruto turned around and scowled at her, his mood flipping on a dime. "You didn't even  _see_  it!" he accused her.

"No," she said, "but it's  _you_. Of course something's gonna be wrong."

He opened his mouth to retaliate, but before he could, Iruka finally spoke up.  _"Naruto..."_  he growled. Naruto shot Akane one last glare, then turned around and grinned.

"You like that?" he asked cheerfully. "I call that the Sexy Jutsu!"

"Hm... inappropriate  _and_  uncreative..." Akane mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear. His hand clenched into a fist, but other than that, he ignored her.

"Cut your stupid tricks!" Iruka yelled. "I told you to Transform into me!"

"No you didn't!" Akane called down helpfully. "You just said to practice the Transformation Jutsu."

There was a moment of silence. Never in the history of their class had Akane sided with Naruto.

And she never would. 

She certainly isn't now.

"But technically," she continued, "Since Naruto-kun has already named it, then it is its own jutsu now. He went against the rules by performing an entirely different technique. Give him detention!"

Iruka sighed. "Please don't get involved in this one, Akane."

Akane just hummed and didn't agree.

"Naruto, this is your last warning," said Iruka, turning back to the blond boy. Naruto just huffed. Akane smiled slightly.

("Good day?" Kaoru asked later that day.

"A bit better," she responded.) 


	2. they muddy the water

"What are you doing here, Naruto? This room is for graduates only."

"You see this headband, huh, Shikamaru? That means I passed, believe it!"

There were three things that Akane knew to be certain in the world. One, that alligators were terrifying. Two, that she was guaranteed to be successful in life. Three, that Naruto  _wasn't_.

"What." She said flatly.

Naruto grinned up at her triumphantly. "I passed!" he boasted. "Didn't you  _hear_?"

"I certainly heard you fail in class," she snarked. "What, is there some remedial test for absolute fuck-ups who can't even perform a Clone jutsu without making a fool of themselves?" she paused. "Not that you'd need to the Clone jutsu to do that, though!"

Naruto was silent. Akane stared at him for a few moments, then broke out laughing. " _Well_ , Naruto-kun? Tell me it isn't so!"

He glared at her. She opened her mouth to make fun of him further, but was cut off by a sound Akane had only otherwise heard when her extended family was visiting and Mother announced that barbeque was for dinner. But saying as her distasteful cousins were mostly living in Suna now, this sound would have to be...

"Ha! I was here first, Ino-pig!" Sakura declared triumphantly.

 _Her creativity never fails to astound me..._ thought Akane dryly. To be fair, though, it wasn't as bad as...

"You wish, Forehead Girl!"

"And  _you_  wish you had the insulting capacities past those of a three-year-old," Akane muttered under her breath. Thankfully, no one heard.

"Give it up!" said Sakura. "I had to look back to see you; my toe was at  _least_  a tenth of an inch ahead."

Akane stared at her.  _I honestly have_ _ **no**_ _response to that._

Their arguing went on for a few more moments, then Sakura glanced down at the front of the room. Her face brightened and she jogged over.  _Though I wouldn't exactly call it jogging..._

Naruto grinned at her. "Good morning Saku-"

She shoved him aside. Akane snickered.

"Good morning, Sasuke-kun," said Sakura shyly. It sounded rather jarring, considering her last action. Akane approved. "Mind if I sit next to you?"

"Just do it!" Akane called down. "Never give anyone the opportunity to turn you down!"

"Back off, Forehead," said Ino, who had joined Sakura's side. "I'm sitting next to Sasuke-kun!"

"I was here first!" Sakura insisted.

Akane paused, then grinned with malice. She swung herself onto her desk and then hopped down three rows. "Excuse me, sorry, pardon me-"

"What are  _you_  doing, Akane?" asked Sakura, putting her hands on her hips. Akane smiled at her and settled in the seat next to Sasuke.

"Technically,  _I_  was here first," she said.

There was a brief period of silence, then as one, the girls in the class growled like a pack of dogs. Akane continued smiling at them, relishing the thought of a brawl. But alas, it was not to be, for Naruto intervened.

Albeit in an... unorthodox manner.

He climbed up on the desk and glared at both of them. Akane smirked at him. "Trying to get on our level, moron?" she murmured. "You've got a ways to go."

From the corner of her eye, she saw Sasuke's posture shift slightly in surprise. It would be imperceptible to most people, but Akane wasn't most people. (She didn't even  _look_  like most people.)

"Why does everyone like you two?" he snapped. "You're both just  _jerks_!"

 _Wow, what a crippling insult_ , thought Akane. She pouted. "Hey... that's not very nice, Naruto-kun! If you wanted to sit next to Sasuke-kun, you should've just said so."

If looks could kill, Akane... would still be alive. Yes, I know how the expression goes, but there's absolutely no way Naruto could kill Akane, even like this.

Not for lack of trying, of course.

"What did I ever do to you, huh?" he demanded. "Why do you hate me so much?"

Akane gasped. "Naruto-kun, what are you talking about? I could  _never_  hate you!"

He scowled. "You-"

The rest of that sentence will forever be lost to the world, as the person sitting the the row before them (and seemingly the only person unaffected by all the tension in the room) leaned back, and accidentally pushed Naruto forward.

Akane didn't know a lot about romance, but she did know one thing: first kisses weren't supposed to happen when an idiot classmate of yours pushes your mortal enemy into your personal bubble.

But alas, that was hers.

For all that she was the Top Kunoichi, Akane had some trouble comprehending the situation for a few moments. But once she did, she shoved Naruto off with all the ferocity one would use shoving off a horse-sized duck. (Which, as a certain visionary once said, would be too terrifying to even contemplate.)

A hush fell over the room. Akane stared at Naruto, trying to think of something to say. None of the situations Kaoru went over with her even came  _close_  to this. Kisses, he said, were for weak little bitches, and if someone tries to kiss you, kill them.

Naturally, Akane couldn't kill Naruto in plain sight just for something as (probably) trivial as a kiss. But Kaoru was always right, so Akane decided to do what she did best:

"Well, Naruto-kun," she grinned. "I didn't know you liked me that way!"

The classroom broke out in laughter, and Naruto's face flushed. "That's not-"

"A bit unorthodox," Akane continued, "But to be fair, I guess just  _asking out_ a girl you like has never really worked for you."

Naruto glared at her. "I don't  _like_  you! At all! That guy pushed me!" He gestured backwards.

Akane hummed. "And you couldn't just change your course? You're an even worse ninja than I thought."

Naruto looked like he was about to say something else, but the universe seemed to have something for interrupting him today, as Iruka entered the classroom at that exact moment. "Alright class-" he paused and looked around. "Did something happen?"

"I've been assaulted," Akane announced.

Iruka sighed. "Class... do I want to know?"

A chorus of 'no's rose up. Iruka just shook his head. "Well. Get back in your seats, all of you. I have an announcement."

There was a brief shuffle of activity. Sakura and Ino settled in seats behind Sasuke, and Naruto hesitantly sat in the only seat remaining -- the one next to Akane. She shot him a sweet grin. "Oh, Naruto-kun wants to sit with me! I'm so glad!"

He glared at her.

Iruka cleared his throat. "As of today, you are all ninjas. To get here, you've faced difficult trials and hardships."

Akane could barely keep herself from laughing.  _Yeah, right_. She could do most of the Academy work in her  _sleep_.

"But that's nothing," Iruka continued. "What comes next will be far more difficult."

_It had better be._

"Now you are only genin, first level ninjas. All the genin will be grouped into three-man squads, with the exception of one. We had one unexpected graduate, so one group will have four members. Each of these squads will be lead by a jounin, an elite ninja."

"Well, someone's gotta be in Sasuke-kun's group," said Ino. "I  _wonder_  who."

(So do we, Ino. So do we.)

"I don't know," said Sakura nonchalantly.

"It'll likely be the Top Kunoichi," said Akane, resting her chin on the back of her hand. "That's how the teams work. Since Sasuke is the Rookie of the Year, he'll be with the Top Kunoichi and the Dead Last." She smirked. "Who is, of course..." She looked to her right. Naruto scowled.

"We want each squad to have a balance of strengths and abilities, so that that's how we set them up," said Iruka. "I will now announce the squads."

"So, Naruto-kun," said Akane quietly, glancing at him. "Who do  _you_  want to be with?"

He huffed. "Not  _you_ , that's for sure."

"So harsh," she murmured, carefully measuring her tone to sound upset. "There's no need to be embarrassed, Naruto-kun! I forgive you for  _everything_  that happened."

Oddly enough, that wasn't entirely a lie. Naruto had never actually done anything that would warrant forgiveness on her part; if anyone was going to be forgiving in their relationship, it would have to be him.

"I don't need forgiveness from  _you_ ," he grumbled, mirroring her thoughts. " _I_  haven't done anything."

"Well," she started, but was cut off when Iruka said Naruto's name.

"Naruto Uzumaki," he said. "Sakura Haruno-"

"Yeah!" Naruto cheered, his mood doing a 180.

Sakura moped. "I'm doomed..."

Akane frowned. Naruto was the Dead Last, which meant that she was practically guaranteed to be on his team. Sakura was smart, yes, but Akane was still beating her for the position of Top Kunoichi.

Which meant... this one would be the four-man squad.

"Sasuke Uchiha-"

"Yeah!" Sakura shouted, recovering instantly from her disappointment. Meanwhile, Naruto's mood had dropped back down.

"I'm doomed..." he groaned.

"And Akane Hizashi," Iruka announced.

Akane started laughing. "Well, Naruto-kun? What was it you were saying?"

Naruto was straight-out crying now. "No..." he whimpered.

She just laughed harder. "This is so wonderful, Naruto-kun! For both of us! Now that we're on the same squad, you'll have plenty of time to work through your new-found feelings for me."

He growled. "Dammit, I do  _not_  like you!"

"So, Sasuke then?" she blinked innocently. "Hm... I can see why you'd like him, but personally-"

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto shot up in his chair. "Why does a great ninja like me have to be on the same team as those two slugs?"

"Sasuke and Akane had the best scores of all the graduating students," said Iruka. "Naruto, you had the worst scores. To create a balanced group, we put the best students with the worst student."

"Just make sure you don't get in my way, loser," Sasuke spoke up for the first time.

Naruto growled. "What did you just say?"

"Hard of hearing?" Sasuke asked dully.

Akane snickered.

"Knock it off, Naruto, sit down!" said Sakura.

"After lunch, you'll meet your new jounin teachers," said Iruka. "Until then, class dismissed."

The classroom burst into activity. Children scrambled for the doorway, eager to be out of the room. Akane shook out her hand, which was rather stiff from her leaning on it the entire time, and turned back to Naruto. "Hey Naruto-kun, want to eat lunch together?"

"I would rather  _die_ ," he said. "I'm gonna eat lunch with Sakura-chan!"

Akane snickered and stood up. "Sure you are."

Naruto huffed and ran out of the classroom. Akane stared after him for a few moments, then shrugged and followed him. She had nothing better to do, and this would probably be quite entertaining.

She found Sakura outside, calling for Sasuke. After a few tries, the pink-haired girl's shoulders slump. "Why did he run off so fast?"

 _Gee, I wonder_ , thought Akane dryly.

"Hey Sakura-chan!" Naruto ran up to her. "Since we're on the same squad, I thought we might have lunch and get to know each other!"

"Why would I eat lunch with you?" asked Sakura. "How could that thought even cross your mind?"

"So you're telling me," said Akane, giving no regard to their surprise as she showed herself, "that if you found Sasuke and asked to eat with him, you wouldn't give that as a reason?"

Sakura scoffed. "Of course not!"

"What  _would_  you say, then?" Akane raised an eyebrow. Sakura was silent. Akane snickered and turned to Naruto. "Anyways, Naruto-kun,  _I'm_ on your team too. Why wouldn't you want to eat lunch with me?"

Naruto glowered. "'Cause you're a bitch!"

"Naruto!" Sakura admonished him. "How dare you call a woman that?"

Akane was slightly surprised. Sakura had never liked her. But, she supposed, it was probably less about Akane and more about Sakura getting an opportunity to criticise Naruto.

"But Sakura, I-" Naruto started, but was once again cut off.

"Naruto, you're annoying." Sakura deadpanned, and turned around. "Sasuke! Where are you?"

Naruto sulked, then turned on his heel and walked off. Akane jogged after him. "Don't feel so bad, Naruto-kun. She has less of a chance with Sasuke than that of a twice-divorced bird."

He scowled. "Birds don't get divorced."

"Like you could  _possibly_  know that."

"Why are you following me? I already said I don't want to eat lunch with you."

"Hm?" Akane asked, feigning surprise. "I thought that since we were on the same squad, we might eat lunch together and get to know each other!"

He glared at her. "We already know more about each other than either of us wants to know."

" _I_ don't!" she said. "C'mon, Naruto-kun, there's  _gotta_  be more to you than orange, being Hokage, and the Kyuubi."

He stopped in his tracks. "What?"

"I said, there's gotta be more to you than orange and being Hokage," said Akane. "Maybe Sasuke was right, maybe you  _are_  hard of hearing."

"You left that drawing on my desk, didn't you," he said.

She smirked. "Of course."

"Why?" he demanded. "Why would you possibly want to do that?"

"Naruto-kun, why do I want to do anything?" Akane asked him. "It stirred up chaos!"

"Did you know that Iruka-sensei almost got fired?" he asked.

Akane hummed. "I didn't, actually. Sweet."

"No! Not sweet!" he yelled. "What the hell is the matter with you? Do you really have nothing better to do than make everyone around you miserable?"  
"No," said Akane glibly. "That's the whole  _point_."

" _Why_?" he repeated. "Are you really that sad, that the only way you can feel better about yourself is putting down everyone else?"

Akane blinked. "No. It's just fun."

He growled and turned away. "Stop following me," he warned her.

This time, she listened.

。。。

"He's late!" Naruto groaned, looking out into the hallways. "Ugh..."

"Naruto! Just sit down!" Sakura chided.

"You're not sitting either," Akane pointed out. Technically that was true; the pink-haired girl was leaning against a desk, not sitting. But several hours had passed, and at this point, Akane was ready to nitpick at anything.

She wasn't the most patient.

Sakura glared at her.

"I don't wanna sit!" Naruto complained, ignoring Akane. "How come our teacher's the only one that's late? I'm ready to roll, believe it!" he paused. "The other groups already met their new teachers and took off on some adventure or something, and Iruka-sensei's gone too!"

_Oh my god,_ _**really**?_ _I hadn't noticed that!_

"We know, okay?" asked Sakura, lowering her head.

"You gotta say it sassier than that," Akane advised her. "Something like," she paused, then cut herself off completely when she heard a rattling near the door.

"Naruto, what are you doing?" Sakura yelled. Even Sasuke glanced over, to see the commotion.

It actually wasn't much of a commotion. Naruto had merely wedged an eraser in between the door and the wall, grinning as though he'd done something impressive.

Sakura stalked over to him. "Naruto!"

"That's what he gets for coming late, believe it!" said Naruto, strolling over to her.

Sakura put her hands on her hips. "You're asking for trouble. You know you shouldn't do that."

"I don't think Naruto knows  _anything_ ," Akane offered her input.

He scowled at her. "Listen here, you! This is gonna work, believe it!"

"Our teacher's a Jounin, an elite ninja," Sasuke spoke up for the first time. "You think he'd fall for that?"

"Yeah, Sasuke-kun's right," Sakura declared. "You're so clueless, Naruto!"

"I kinda hate to agree with these two, but..." Akane shrugged. "It'll be a cold day in hell before a Jounin falls for that."

Just then, a hand grasped the door and pushed it open. The eraser wobbled and fell down with a 'poof' onto a head of spiky grey hair.

Naruto burst out laughing. "I got him! He totally fell for it!"

Akane ran her nails down the side of her face.  _Back to you, Herm, what's the weather like in hell? Well, Herm, it's frozen over._  She scowled at the man.  _He cannot possibly be our Jounin sensei._

"Hm... how can I put this..." the man picked up the eraser and hummed. "My first impression of this group... You're a bunch of idiots."

 _This coming from the guy who just fell for a trap that a kindergartener could avoid?_  thought Akane snidely.

"Anyways," said the man. "Meet me on the roof in five minutes." He disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

Akane scowled. "That lazy old man bit had better be just that." She stalked out of the room.

。。。

"Okay, why don't you introduce yourselves," said the man, sounding like he would rather be literally anywhere else. That would make five of them. "One at a time."

_Nah, that's_ _**boring** _ _. Let's all go at the **ve**_ _**ry same time** _ _._

"What are we even supposed to say?" asked Sakura dubiously.

The man spread his arms. "Things you like. Things you hate."

_You!_

"Dreams for the future," he continued. "Hobbies. Things like that."

"Why don't you go first, I mean, before you talk, tell us about you, so we can see how it's supposed to work?" asked Naruto.

"Me?" the man asked. "I'm Kakashi Hatake. Things I like and things I hate... I don't feel like telling you that."

"Huh?" asked Sakura and Naruto simultaneously.

"My dreams for the future..." he continued. "Never really thought about it. As for my hobbies... I have lots of hobbies."

Sakura huffed. "That was totally useless, all he really told us was his name."

_And that he's trying to get under our skin, which means that this is likely another test... hm..._

"Now. You on the right, you go."

"Believe it!" said Naruto enthusiastically, adjusting his headband.

 _I sure do_.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki! I like instant ramen in a cup, and I really like the ramen Iruka-sensei got me at the Ichiraku noodle shop!" He was still adjusting his headband. "But I hate the three minutes you have to wait after you pour the water in the ramen cup!"  _Still_  adjusting his headband. "My hobby is eating different kinds of ramen and comparing them!" He had finally stopped adjusting his headband. Akane breathed out a sigh of relief. "And my future dream is... To be the greatest Hokage! Then the whole village will stop disrespecting me and start treating me like I'm somebody! Somebody important!"

_There was not a single sentence in that speech that didn't end with an exclamation mark..._

"Alright. Next," said Kakashi.

"I'm Sakura Haruno! What I like, uh... I mean, the person I like is..." she blushed and looked to her left. "My hobby is, uh..." she giggled. Akane grimaced and scooted further to her left, despite being on the other side of Sasuke. She wanted  _nothing_  to do with that crazy chick. "My dream for the future is-" she cut herself off and buried her face in her hands, clearly squealing.

Sasuke looked a few seconds away from following Akane's lead.

"And what do you hate?" asked Kakashi, sounding even less excited than before.

"Naruto!" she declared.

Akane hummed. "Harsh."

"Next," said Kakashi dully. Sakura giggled again.

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha," said Sasuke. "I hate a lot of things." _Me too, Sasuke. Me too._  "And I don't particularly like anything. My dream is not a dream-"

"You just opened a stargate," said Akane. Sasuke ignored her.

"-because I  _will_  make it a reality. I'm going to restore my clan, and destroy a certain someone."

There were a few seconds of silence, then Kakashi said, "Last one. Go."

"Hm..." Akane tapped her chin. "My name is Akane Hizashi. I like my family, large felines, grand larceny, and having fun."

"Wait. What were those?" asked Kakashi, narrowing his one visible eye.

"I like my family, large felines, and having fun," said Akane. "Why?"

He sighed. "Nothing. Go on."

"Mkay. I hate being bored. My hobbies are training with Brother, playing with Sister, and shoplifting."

"What was  _that_?" he asked suspiciously.

"My hobbies are training with Brother and playing with Sister!" said Akane. "Jeez, Sensei."

He sighed again. "What are your dreams for the future?"

"I want to be as strong a shinobi as Brother!" Akane beamed. "And I want to steal something worth over a million dollars."

"I might need to report you," he said.

Akane blinked. "Huh? Why?"

"You know what you did," said Kakashi. "Anyway. You're each unique and you each have your own ideas."

_Please. Sakura has less creativity than a plastic bag in regards to her future._

"We'll have our first mission tomorrow."

"Awesome!" said Naruto. "What kind of mission are we gonna have?"

"It's a task that the five of us must do together," said Kakashi.

_Oh god no-_

"What, what, what,  _what?_ " asked Naruto enthusiastically.

"A survival exercise," Kakashi told him.

Naruto squinted. "Huh? Survival exercise?"

Sakura frowned. "I thought we were supposed to have a real mission, not more practice! We already did this stuff at the Academy, that's how we got here!"

_Right on top of the Academy, wow, we've come a long way._

"This is not like your previous training," said Kakashi.

"So, uh, so, uh..." Naruto raised his hand. "What kinda training is it, then?"

Kakashi started chuckling darkly. Akane sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Hey, hold on," said Sakura. "That's a normal question. What's so funny?"

"Well." Kakashi waved his hand around. "If I tell you the answer, you're not going to like it!"

"Sensei, you said it was a mission." Akane leaned her head on her hand. "That means that we have a right to know the mission parameters, otherwise, our lives might be in danger. If you don't tell us, we could go to the Hokage." She paused. "Of course, I doubt that would have any real effect, but... in principle."

Kakashi heaved a dramatic sigh. "I guess that's fair. Out of the 29 graduates who just came here, only nine, or ten, due to these circumstances, will actually be accepted as genin. The other 18 or 19 will be weeded out and sent back to the Academy. In other words, this is a make-it-or-break-it pass-or-fail survival test, and the chance that you'll fail is at  _least_  66%."

"That's crazy!" Naruto yelled. "We worked hard to get here, believe it!"

_Well. Maybe_ _**you** _ _did._

"What was that graduation test for anyways??"

"Oh, that?" asked Kakashi, disinterested. "That was just to select candidates who  _might_  become genin. Or not."

 _"What?_ "

"That's how it is," said Kakashi harshly. "I decide whether you pass or fail." He paused. "Be at the designated training spot tomorrow at 5AM. And bring your ninja gear."

_Wow, thanks for the reminder, Sensei, I was just gonna leave it all at home since it's obvious this exam is gonna be a breeze._

"That's it. You're dismissed." Kakashi pushed himself off the railing he was leaning on and turned around. "Oh, and tomorrow, you'd better skip breakfast, or else you'll puke."

。。。

"Brother! You're back!" Akane cheered, jumping and of her chair and glomping him. He ruffled her hair.

"Bad day?"

Akane groaned and released him. "My sensei is Kakashi fucking Hatake."

Kaoru grimaced. "That's rough."

"Who's that?" Fuyu piped up.

"Technically, he's one of Konoha's best ninja," said Kaoru, going over to her and patting her head. "But he's also an asshat. And that's coming from  _me_."

"Oh," said Fuyu, and ate another bite of her pancake. "Why's he a sensei if he sucks?"

Akane shrugged. "Beats me," she said. "Brother, you want some pancakes?"

Kaoru flopped down in the chair next to her. "Sis, to help streamline the rest of our lives, you can assume that the answer to that question will  _always_  be yes."

Akane grinned. "Well, there they are."

Kaoru smirked. "Wow, not even going to serve some for your loving brother who just got back from a difficult mission?"

"It lasted less than a day," said Akane, cutting into her third pancake. "Serve yourself."

He groaned theatrically and flicked his finger. Three pancakes plopped themselves onto his plate.

"No chakra strings in the house, Brother," Akane scolded him.

He grinned unrepentantly. "Whoops."

She sighed and passed him the peanut butter.

"How'd your mission go, Brother?" asked Fuyu through a mouthful of pancake.

"Legally, I can't tell you," said Kaoru, spreading peanut butter onto his pancakes. "But it went well. The guy's dead and everything."

Fuyu giggled. "Brother doesn't like rules," she said, eyes shining with admiration.

"Rules are for people who think they're right," said Kaoru, licking peanut butter off his knife. "No Hizashi is gonna follow the rules."

"Speaking of," said Akane, helping herself to another pancake. "I shouldn't be having breakfast."

"And yet here you are," said Kaoru dryly.

"Hatake said that if we eat breakfast, we're gonna puke," she continued. "But I'm not a pansy-ass."

"Why would he say that?" asked Fuyu, looking slightly worried.

"Let me guess," said Kaoru, pointing his fork at her. "Make-it-or-break-it, pass-or-fail survival test?"

"Down to the word," said Akane. "How'd you know?"

Kaoru sighed. "Fucker thinks he's so dramatic," he muttered. "He does this every year. He doesn't want to be a jounin sensei, y'know; he fails every team he's been assigned to."

Fuyu gasped. "Really?"

Akane frowned. "That's pretty shitty of him; he's destroying their chances just because he's lazy?"

"Pretty much," said Kaoru. "And this test is how he does it."

"What's the test?" Akane inquired.

"I don't know the details, unfortunately," he told her regretfully. "I do my best to stay away from him, the guy's infuriating and I think if I spend any more than five minutes with him I'll kill him. Which would be a shame, since despite his personality, he's a pretty good ninja."

"Not better than Brother, though?" asked Fuyu, as if making sure.

"Nope, not better than Brother." Kaoru patted her head.

"How many teams has he failed so far?" Akane questioned.

"Seven, last time I checked," he said. "Look, Sis, chances are you're gonna fail. Don't worry, you'll still have graduated the Academy, so I can take you on as an apprentice even if that happens."

Akane beamed. "Really?" she asked.

"No, I was being sarcastic," he said. She huffed.

Fuyu crossed her arms. "Just don't start ignoring me," she said in an adorably grumpy way that only eight-year-olds can manage.

"Of course not!" said Akane, slightly surprised that Fuyu would even imagine that. Sure, she and Kaoru had been spending more time together recently, but that was only because Akane was close to graduating- no, she can see where Fuyu may have gotten her idea from.

"We could never," Kaoru added.

"Good," she said.

"Speaking of, you've taken your pills today, right?" Kaoru asked her.

She nodded. "Yep!"

"Sorry again for last night," said Akane. "I know I promised to stay up with you, but I thought I ought to get some sleep-"

Fuyu rolled her eyes. "Sissy, we  _talked_  about this," she said, in a manner that suggested this discussion had been had before. "You stay up with me almost every night, if you don't get some sleep then you're gonna start needing my pills too. Besides, we got three cats and a library, I'm fine!"

"Still, I feel guilty," Akane insisted. "Which, believe me, is a novel feeling and one that I do not intend on indulging, but I don't like breaking a promise. We'll watch those movies tonight, okay?"

Fuyu nodded again. "Mm."

"Count me in too," said Kaoru. "If Sis picks a movie, it's  _gotta_  be good."

Akane rolled her eyes and smacked his shoulder. "Shut it."

"No. Is Mother still asleep?" he asked, looking around. "Or did she head out already?"

"She's gone already," said Akane. "Apparently now that I'm a genin, I can hold down the fort."

Kaoru raised an eyebrow. "Man, she really doesn't like you being a shinobi."

"Nah, I think she just doesn't like shinobi in general," said Akane. "Nothing to do with me in particular. But if Sister wanted to be a shinobi, oh  _boy_  would Mother freak out."

Fuyu giggled.

"And, on that note," Akane continued, standing up and picking up her empty plate, "I should get going."

"Aw, already?" Fuyu whined.

"It's 4:55," Akane pointed out, putting her plate in the sink. "I gotta go or I'll be late."

"To one of Hatake's meetings; perish the thought," said Kaoru dryly. Akane snickered and headed for the door.

"Perish indeed," she agreed, putting on her shoes. "Bye! Love you!"

"Love you!" they called back in unison, then Fuyu turned to Kaoru and started regaling him with details about her latest book. Akane watched the two softly for a moment, then turned and slipped out the door.

。。。

The early hours of morning can look something beautiful. The sun is about to rise, but the sky is still dark, with stars shining brightly above. The weather is cool and crisp, and sometimes fog clouds through the air.

It was normally one of Akane's favorite times of the day.

Normally.

But she wasn't normally meeting up with her mortal enemy and two other idiots who had the potential to become secondary mortal enemies. That kinda put a downer on the whole experience.

"Hey guys!" she waved, painting a bright smile on her face. Enthusiasm was always least appreciated in early morning.

"Hey Akane," Sakura said sleepily. Neither Naruto nor Sasuke bothered responding at all. Akane huffed inwardly.

 _Ru-ude_.

"Are you all ready for the test?" she asked.

"I sure am, believe it." Naruto yawned.

"Cool," she said, and they all lapsed into silence.

And it remained that way until...

"Morning everyone. Ready for your first day?" asked Kakashi, appearing from nowhere.

"Hey, you're late!" Sakura and Naruto yelled in unison.

_Really? I could've sworn he was early._

"Well, a black cat crossed my path, so I had to take the long way," Kakashi said smoothly, pointing to his left.

"Perfectly understandable, sir," Akane nodded, jumping to her feet. "The life of a ninja is perilous, and one would want to take as many precautions as possible."

There was an awkward pause, then Kakashi cleared his throat. "Well," he said. "Let's get started." He strode over to a tree stump and set down a timer. "Here we go. It's set for noon." He pulled out three bells. "Your assignment is very simple. You just have to take these bells from me. That's all there is to it."

_That's what you said about showing up at 5._

"If you can't get them by noon, you go without lunch."

"Wha-"

"You'll be tied to those posts, and you'll watch as I eat my lunch in front of you."

As if on cue, everyone's stomachs growled in sync.

Well, almost everyone.

"Akane, aren't you hungry?" asked Kakashi, amusement evident in his voice. "Or did you eat breakfast even though I told you not to?"

"No, you  _suggested_  we shouldn't," Akane corrected him. "Plus, Brother made me."

He totally didn't.

"Hang on, there's four of us," said Sakura. "How come there's only three bells?"

_She's also a master detective..._

Kakashi chuckled. "Well, that way, at least one of you will end of tied to a post and ultimately disqualified for failing to complete the mission." He swung the bells around. "That one goes back to the Academy."

Naruto growled.

"Then again," Kakashi continued, "all four of you could flunk out too." He looked at them. "You can use any weapons, including shuriken."

_Oh my_ _god,_ _**really**?_ _We're **so**  honoured, to be allowed to use the most basic ninja tool!_

"If you're not prepared to kill me, you won't be able to take the bells." Kakashi tossed the bells into the air and caught them. Akane smirked.

_Thanks, sensei. Wouldn't want to get in trouble._

Sakura clearly had other thoughts. "Those weapons are too dangerous, Sensei!" she objected.

Naruto laughed. "Especially since you couldn't dodge that eraser!"

Kakashi turned to look at him. "Class clowns are usually the weakest links. You can safely ignore them. Lowest scores. Losers."

Naruto growled.

Kakashi faced forwards again. "When I say start, you can begin."

Naruto growled again and pulled a kunai from his pouch, charging forward. Akane stepped neatly out of the way and watched with amusement. It seemed Naruto would never fail to be a hothead.

And then, in a split second, tides changed. Kakashi grabbed Naruto's hand and twisted his other arm back, pointing the kunai at this spiky blond head. "Don't be in such a hurry," he chided. "I didn't say start yet."

"Technically, you did in fact utter the word 'start,'" Akane volunteered, entirely unimpressed by his display. It was just cheap theatrics; she could do something like that just as easily as him.

Kakashi looked at her and narrowed his one visible eye. She held up her hands in mock surrender. "Just sayin'."

He stared at her for a few more seconds, then released Naruto. "You came at me with the full intention of destroying me," he said to the boy. "So," he chuckled. "How can I say this? I'm actually starting to like you guys."

Akane sweatdropped.  _He said that weirdly_...

"Start!"

As one, the four of them jumped away. Akane landed at the very top of a tree, Sasuke crouched on a sturdy branch, Sakura hid under some bushes, and Naruto... well, Naruto just kept doing what he did best.

Being an idiot.

"You and me, right now, fair and square!" he demanded. "Let's go!"

Akane sighed and shook her head.  _He's so_ _ **dumb**._

Kakashi sweatdropped. "You know, compared to the others, you're a little bit... weird."

"Oh yeah?" Naruto asked. "The only weird thing here is your haircut!"

Akane hummed.  _Good concept, but could have been executed better-- oh my fucking god, is he actually just charging forward?_

He was, in fact.

"Should we just all sing 'Naruto is a stupid bitch' in D-minor?" she wondered aloud, watching him dash towards Kakashi with a yell. Thankfully, he had enough sense to skid to a halt when Kakashi reached into his weapons pouch. She approved of that, at the very least.

"Shinobi battle techniques," said Kakashi, "part one. Taijutsu. The physical art." He pulled his hand out of his pouch. In it was...

A book.

Naruto gaped. "What the-"

"What are you waiting for?" asked Kakashi, flipping it open. "Take your move."

"But- I mean-" Naruto stammered. "Why are you reading that book?"

"Why?" Kakashi wondered. "To find out what happens next, of course. Don't let it bother you. With your weak attacks, it won't really matter whether I'm reading, or... whatever."

Naruto snarled and clenched his hand into a fist. "I'm going to crush you!" he declared, charging forward again.

What followed next was the most one-sided battle Akane had ever seen. It was kinda funny, actually. Although, it got a bit creepy when...

"Don't let your enemy get behind you all the time," said Kakashi, crouching behind Naruto. Akane grimaced. Not only was he a perpetually tardy jackass, but he was also one of  _those?_  Jeez. At least he hadn't gone for either her or Sakura yet...

"Naruto, get out of there, quick!" Sakura shouted, standing up suddenly. "He's going to destroy you!"

Akane snorted. Like Kakashi would really set Konoha's Jinchuuriki on fire. Though, she did have to wonder what that hand sign was for.

"Too late," said Kakashi. "Leaf Village Secret Finger Jutsu! A Thousand Years of Death!"

No. No, she did not have to wonder. She would never have to wonder anything about this man again, because she was going to  _purposely_  fail this exam and get apprenticed to Brother, and then she was going to murder this man in his sleep. No  _way_  was she gonna learn from a pedo who jams his fingers up his potential student's ass.

Naruto must be having the  _worst_  few days. It wouldn't surprise her if he turned asexual.

"Okay, where was I?" Kakashi said to himself, ignoring the nearby splash as Naruto fell into the river.

 _We're at you just assaulted your student, and now he may be drowning_ , thought Akane, still disgusted.  _Wait, no-_

"What are you doing now?" asked Kakashi in a long-suffering tone as Naruto crawled out of the river. "You know, you won't get lunch unless you take a bell by noon."

"You just want an excuse for your student to put his hand near your crotch," Akane scowled.

"I know, I know! You told us already!" Naruto shouted from down below. 

"You look pretty wobbly for someone who's gonna surpass the Hokage," said Kakashi, sounding doubtful.

Naruto scowled. "You told us not to eat breakfast! How can I fight when I'm starving to death?"

Kakashi sighed and turned away. "Well, better luck next time."

"No! You caught me off guard, that's all it was! Believe it!" Naruto shouted, then moped. "I'm so hungry, I don't have any strength..."

_You skipped_ _**one** _ _meal!_

"But I can't let that stop me, I gotta get one of those bells, no matter what! I'll find the strength somehow, believe it. I'm gonna pass this test. And I'm not going back to the Academy." He paused. "I  _will_  become a ninja."

Akane snorted.  _Yeah. Call me when_ _that_ _happens- shit, what's happening with the river?_

What was happening was, in fact, a surprisingly clever move for Naruto. He had planted clones in the water, and at that moment, they all jumped out.

"Ha! You're overconfident, Sensei!" one of them shouted. "That's why you weren't ready for the Shadow Clone Attack, my best jutsu!"

_And your only one, apparently..._

"Hm," Kakashi mused. "It looks like the stories are true. He  _can_  create Shadow Clones."

Personally, Akane didn't see what was so impressive about that. She'd been able to do the Shadow Clone Jutsu since she was seven. But, she supposed, they didn't need to know that.

He heaved a sigh. "Great technique. But I don't think you can maintain it for very long. You talk like you're the best, Naruto, but you're still the worst student. You can't beat me with this Jutsu." 

Akane paused, then let out another grimace.  _No, but he can beat your, well..._

She'd have to Talk with Naruto later.

But for now, he was still hanging off of Kakashi's back, grinning like a fox. "Didn't you say don't let your enemy get behind you?" he crowed. "Good advice, Sensei, believe it." The rest of his clones crowded around the two, holding Kakashi down. "I had one of my clones come out of the river, then sneak up behind you, super quiet!" Naruto boasted. "Now... this is for nailing me in the butt earlier!"

Akane gagged.  _I need to leave, right now_. She stood up from the crouch she had settled in, and hopped away. Observing Kakashi's tactics would have been nice, but she just couldn't take that anymore. Besides, she didn't  _need_  to study him; she would be failing anyways.

And so she left the training grounds, and strolled back home.

。。。

"How'd it go?" asked Kaoru, looking up from his book.

Akane shrugged. "I dunno," she said, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl and taking a large bite out of it.

"How do you not know?" Fuyu asked, confused.

Kaoru groaned. "Did you seriously leave right in the middle?"

Akane shrugged again and swallowed her bite. "Technically I'm not sure if I left in the  _middle_ , but... yeah."

"You said you'd stop doing that," he sighed.

"And  _you_  said that Hatake was just a lazy fucker," said Akane, pointing at him.

"Huh?" he furrowed his brow.

Akane heaved out a large sigh and flopped down into her armchair. "I think he's a pedophile," she confessed, taking another bite of her apple.

"What." He said flatly.

"What's that?" asked Fuyu innocently.

"Someone you want to stay the hell away from until you're of age," said Kaoru. "Why do you think that, Sis?"

"Well, for starters," she said, her voice muffled from the apple, "he jammed his fingers up Naruto's ass."

Kaoru grimaced.

"And just..." she continued. "The way he talked, y'know? He's so  _creepy_. You shouldn't let your enemies get  _behind_  you, Naruto. It won't matter if I'm reading or  _doing something else_ , Naruto. I'm actually starting to like you,  _Naruto_." She shivered. "Get me the fuck away from him, Brother."

He looked slightly disturbed. "I definitely will."

She breathed a slight sigh of relief. When Brother said he would do something, he did it. 

"You don't like Naruto, though," said Fuyu, confused.

"I don't. At all." Akane ate more of the apple. "But that doesn't mean I want him to get raped."

"Oh." She went back to her colouring.

"You should get back now, though," said Kaoru. "When does it end?"

"At noon," said Akane. "I've got about fifteen minutes."

"Well, in that case," he scooted over on the couch. "Come read with me."

。。。

"Akane. So glad you could join us."

Akane gave a sheepish smile and pushed down her urge to murder. "Sorry, sensei. I ran off and got lost."

He gave her a deadpan look. "Good job."

She bristled. "Hey! These training grounds are big!"

"Not really," he said, but but whatever else he would've said was cut off by the sound of Naruto's stomach growling. "Uh-oh," he said, turning his attention back to the blond boy. "Stomach's growling, huh? That's too bad. Oh, by the way, about this exercise? Well. I've decided. I won't send any of you back to the Academy."

Naruto laughed. Sakura blinked in confusion. "What? I passed? All I did was faint and fall over. Do you get points for that?"

 _That is a_ _ **perfect**_ _summary of her entire personality_ , Akane reflected, resting her chin on her palm.  _I've got to get that story later._

There was a pause, then she cheered. "Yay!"

"Then, then, then, that means all four of us, I mean, all four of us-" Naruto started.

Akane smirked.  _Wait for it..._

"Yes. All four of you are being  _dropped from the program. Permanently._ "

"Dropped from the program?" Naruto demanded. "That means we can never become ninja! You said if we couldn't take the bells we'd be sent back to the Academy! You can't just change your mind and kick us out; why would you do that?"

"Because you don't think like ninja." Kakashi put his hands in his pockets. "You think like little kids, like brats."

Sasuke growled, and in a split second ran forward, kicking up a cloud of dust. Akane sighed and put her fingers on her forehead in the most delicate facepalm she could manage. Did he really think he could lay a scratch on a Jounin? All he was doing was giving Sensei an opportunity to get close to him.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura shouted.

_That's his name, yeah..._

Then the smoke cleared, and revealed... yet more evidence for Akane's growing suspicions. She gagged again and turned her head away.

"You think it's all about you," said Kakashi from his position of sitting on Sasuke's back. Sasuke growled.

"Let go of Sasuke-kun, you can't step on him like he's some bug!" Sakura shouted.

"You don't know what it means to be a ninja," said Kakashi, ignoring her. "You think it's a game, huh?" he paused. "Why do you think we put you on squads? Did you consider that question for one moment?"

 _Nope, not even for a moment_.

"I-I don't know what you mean," Sakura stammered.

"I  _mean_ ," said Kakashi, pronouncing his words distinctly, "you never realized what this exercise is all about! Not even close."

"What it's about?" asked Naruto.

"Yes. That's what determines whether you pass or fail."

"But that's-" Sakura lowered her head. "I mean, I wanted to ask you about that from the beginning!"

_Sure_ _you did._

Kakashi scoffed. "Use your head! Three people on a squad. Why do you think we would do that?"

"Agh!" Naruto shouted. "How are we supposed to know why you picked three people? We didn't make the rules!"

Akane loathed agreeing with Naruto, but for the life of her, she couldn't understand either. What the hell was the point? What, were they supposed to  _work together?_

"It's so basic," Kakashi deadpanned. "Teamwork!"

_Are you fucking kidding me-_

She was expected to work with these idiots? No way in hell, she would rather  _die_!

"Working together, is that what you mean?" asked Sakura.

"No, Sakura, he means killing each other," Akane snapped, suddenly in a foul mood. "Then we would have all helped each other, we wouldn't have had to take this stupid fucking test!"

"No, Akane, I mean working together." Kakashi sighed. "It's too late now, but if all four of you came at me at once, you might have been able to take the bells." He looked up. "Well. Anyway. It's over."

"Wait a minute," said Sakura, frowning. "You set it up with four people, but only three bells! If we got the bells together, only three people would get them, and that would lead to group conflict and the squad would break up!"

"Exactly." Kakashi sighed again. "I purposely pitted you against each other. I wanted to see if you could overcome that, and put the squad ahead of yourselves! A genin should have a natural feel for teamwork, but you..." he gazed at them. "It never even crossed your mind. Sakura! You obsessed about Sasuke, who was gone, while Naruto was right in front you you! And you wouldn't lift a finger to help him!"

Sakura wilted.

"Naruto! You do everything on your own. Everything."

 _It's not like he has a choice otherwise..._  Akane snickered inwardly. As an outsider looking in on this drama, it was actually kind of amusing.

"Akane, you just ran away." Kakashi narrowed his eye. "You could have helped your team, but you were too scared, weren't you?"

Oddly enough, she had been.

"And you, Sasuke, thought the others were so far beneath you they were worthless. Arrogance. Ninja missions are carried out in squads! Of course you need individual skills, but teamwork is the most important element! Every shinobi understands this. When shinobi put themselves above the squad, this can lead to failure. And death. For example..." he pulled a kunai out of his pouch and held it at Sasuke's neck. "Sakura! Kill Naruto now, or Sasuke dies!"

Sakura gasped, and Naruto squealed. "Wha-"

"Do it, Sakura!" Akane cheered. "For love!"

"Akane, no." Kakashi scowled at her. "That's the  _opposite_  mindset you should be having. This is what could happen on a mission." He removed the kunai from Sasuke's neck.

Sakura breathed out a sigh of relief. "Oh boy, that was really scary."

Akane frowned.  _You weren't the one being threatened..._

Kakashi twirled the kunai around his finger. "The enemy takes a hostage, and you've got an impossible choice. And someone ends up dead." He put the kunai back in his pouch, and stood up. "On every mission, your life is on the line."

He strolled over to a stone in the middle of the training grounds. "Did you look at this stone? The names engraved on it? They are all ninja who are honoured as heroes in our village."

"That's it, that's it, that's it!" Naruto cheered. "Now I know! I've decided, I'm gonna have my name engraved on that stone! I'm not gonna live for nothing and die like a dog, I'm gonna be a hero! A hero!"

Akane hummed. "That's the best place for you to end up, Naruto-kun." She was well aware of what names went on the Memorial Stone. Her uncle was there, after all.

"They are... a special kind of hero."

Naruto squinted. "Huh? What kinda heroes are they? C'mon, tell us!"

 _He will if you shut your damn mouth once in your life_...

Kakashi was silent for a moment, then said, "They are all KIA."

"Ooh!" Naruto said curiously. "That sounds real cool!"

"Okay, Naruto-kun, there's a time to stop." Akane patted his leg. "KIA stands for Killed In Action. Everyone on that stone is dead."

The cheerful look drained off his face, and he turned his head. "Oh..."

"This is a Memorial Stone," said Kakashi. "The names of my closest friends are engraved here."

There was another period of silence, then Kakashi heaved a sigh and turned around. "Alright. I'm going to give you one more chance. But I'm going to make it much harder on you."

Akane grimaced.  _Phrasing, please stop._

"You'll have three hours to get a bell. Eat lunch now to build up strength.  _But_ , Naruto doesn't get any."

Naruto growled.

"It's your punishment for breaking the rules and trying to eat by yourself." Kakashi walked up to him. "And if anyone tries to feed him, that person will immediately fail."

_Man, I really missed a lot here..._

Kakashi narrowed his eye. "I make the rules. You follow them. Got it?"

They all nodded, some more hesitantly than others. Kakashi handed out lunches to Sasuke, Sakura, and Akane, then turned away. "I'll be back soon," he said, and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

For a while, the three of them ate quietly. Then they were interrupted by the sound of a loud stomach growling. They turned to look at the source.

"This is no big deal!" Naruto shouted. "I can go without eating for days, believe it! This is no big deal!"

"You can go without eating for the rest of your life, Naruto-kun," said Akane cheerfully, eating a bite of rice. "Have fun."

Sasuke sighed, then held out his lunch to Naruto. "Here."

The other three members gaped at him.

"What?" asked Sakura. "No, Sasuke-kun, you can't do that! You heard what Sensei said!"

"Kakashi's gone. We need to get those bells as a team." Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "If Naruto's hungry, he'll be weak and ineffective."

"He already  _is_  weak and ineffective," Akane piped up, but made no further objection when Sakura held out hers too.

"But... isn't that your lunch?" Naruto asked.

"I-I'm on a diet," she stammered. "I mean, I don't eat as much as Sasuke-kun, so- just take it, Naruto!"

"I can't take it!" he protested. "Because... I can't move my hands, you'll have to feed me!"

She glared, but Sasuke cut her off before she could say anything. "Hurry up, he could come back any minute."

Sakura groaned. "Ugh, this is one time only! I'll never do this again, is that clear?"

Akane snickered. "Crystal."

Naruto nodded in (probably unwitting) agreement. "Clear as a bell, Sakura-chan!"

He was about to eat a bite of rice when Kakashi reappeared in the midst of a hurricane. "You..." he growled, sending waves of wind howling across the ground. "You broke the rules. I hope you're ready for the punishment." He straightened up and made a few hand signs. The clouds overhead darked, spitting out gouts of lightning. "Any last words?"

Naruto shivered. "B-But you said..."

Kakashi tilted his head. "Yes?"

"You said that there were four of us!" Naruto shouted.

"And that we couldn't count!" Akane added.

"We're all on this squad, and we're all in it together!" said Sasuke, probably to distract Kakashi from Akane's comment.

"Yeah, that's right!" Sakura agreed, clearly drawing strength from his comment. "We gave our lunch to him because the four of us are one!" 

"No we're not!" said Akane quickly. "They are! I'm not involved in this!"

Kakashi narrowed his eye. "The four of you are one, huh? That's your argument?" There was a tense moment of silence, then he smiled and said, "You pass."

_Are you_ _**fucking kidding me** -_

"Huh?" asked Sakura, and Naruto repeated her.

"You. Pass," Kakashi said, as though he were talking to a bunch of three-year-olds. "Although I have to say, I'm not sure I like your resolve, Akane."

Akane huffed. "I thought we were gonna fail anyway."

"Yeah, she's right," said Sakura. "Why didn't we fail?"

"You're the first squad that ever succeeded," said Kakashi. "The others did exactly what I said, and fell into every trap. They couldn't think for themselves. A ninja must see through deception. In the ninja world... those who break the rules are scum, that's true. But those who abandon their friends... are worse than scum."

Naruto started tearing up. "He's, uh... he kinda cool."

Kakashi smiled again. "The exercise is over. Everyone passes. Squad 7 starts its first mission tomorrow!"

"Yes!" Sakura cheered.

"No!" Akane cried.

"I did it, I did it!" Naruto chanted, drowning out her protests. "I'm a ninja, ninja, ninja!"

Kakashi chuckled. "Let's go home."

"I will, I sure will." Akane stood up quickly and scurried away, not wanting to see what Kakashi had in mind for Sasuke and Naruto.

She had to have a talk with Brother. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I'm taking some sections directly from the source material, so if it seems odd and cringe-y, that's why. I refuse to apologize.  
> I'm sorry.


	3. and what it liked was destruction

_"Sasuke. I'm at point B."_

_"Sakura. I'm at point C."_

"Akane. I am  **not**  at point D, kick me off this team, please."

_"Akane, stop complaining and get in position. Naruto, what about you?"_

There was a pause, then...

_"I'm at point A, believe it!"_

_"You're slow, Naruto,"_  said Kakashi.

Akane grimaced.

_"Okay, Team 7- hm? The target has moved! Follow it!"_

"No," said Akane, but moved forward with the other three genin.

"Over there!" Naruto stage-whispered, pointing to a spot some twenty feet away.

"Cool, I didn't see that," said Akane sarcastically, ducking back behind the tree she had moved to.

_"What's your distance from the target?"_  asked Kakashi over the radio.

"Five meters," said Naruto. "I'm ready, just give the signal."

"I'm ready as well," said Sasuke.

"So am I!" said Sakura.

"This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever done," Akane groaned, then raised her voice. "I'm at ten meters, Kakashi. Naruto-kun should approach this psychopath first."

"You're one to talk," Naruto muttered.

_"Okay... now!"_

As one, the four of them jumped out from their rudimentary hiding spots. In nary a second, Naruto wrapped his arms around the large brown cat and held it down. "I got him, I got him!" he said. Akane sighed.

_"Can you verify the ribbon on the right ear?"_  asked Kakashi.

"I  _can_ ," said Akane nonchalantly. "If I wanted to."

Sasuke sighed. "Affirmative, we've got a positive ID." They both ignored the sound of Naruto getting scratched up in the background.

_"Right,"_  said Kakashi.  _"Lost pet Tora, captured. Mission accomplished."_

"CAN'T WE GET A BETTER MISSION THAN THIS?" Naruto screamed. "I HATE CATS!"

Akane huffed, affronted. "You just can't appreciate anything  _good_ , Naruto-kun."

He scowled at her. "Oh yeah? What's that supposed to mean?"

"It  _means_  that maybe cats just hate you because you hate them." Akane strolled over to him and stroked Tora's head. "Felines are the world's greatest gift. What greater love than the love of a cat?"

"Any love!" Naruto shoved Tora towards her. "If you love dumb cats so much, take this one!"

"Sure!" said Akane cheerfully, curling her arms around the cat. "Ooh, who's a pretty kitty, who's a pretty kitty?  _You're_ a pretty kitty, yes you are!" she scratched his chin. Tora gradually stopped hissing.

"Well," said Kakashi, appearing next to them. "Let's go turn this menace in." He turned around and started walking towards the Hokage Tower.

"He's not that bad," Akane defended the cat in her arms, following him. "He probably just doesn't want to be manhandled all the time."

。。。

"Speaking of manhandling..." Akane grimaced.

Naruto snickered. "Stupid cat! That kitty deserves to be squashed."

"And  _you_  deserve to be thrown in a vat of acid." Akane crossed her arms and glowered at the Daimyo's Wife, who was currently smothering her cat... with what she thought was affection, but in reality, was just literal. "How can you take pleasure in someone else's suffering?"

Her team was silent for a few moments, then Kakashi spoke up. "Who are you, and what have you done with Akane?"

Akane huffed. "I mean, obviously take pleasure in  _people's_  suffering, but not cats. Cats deserve so much better."

"Never mind, you're good."

"Now then," said the Hokage as the Daimyo's wife brushed out the door. "For Team 7's next mission, we have several available tasks... among them, babysitting the chief counsellor's three-year-old, helping his wife to do the shopping, digging up potatoes-"

"NO! TORAAAA!"

He paused. "...Or catching Tora the Cat-"

"No!" Naruto protested. "I wanna go on a real mission! Something challenging and exciting, not this little kid stuff!"

"How dare you?" Iruka shouted at Naruto. "You're just a brand-new genin with no experience! Like everyone else, you start with simple missions to develop your skills and prove yourself!"

"Are you serious?" Naruto yelled back. "Babysitting is not a mission, it's just a stupid- Agh!"

Kakashi hit him over the head. "Will you put a lid on it?" he asked in a long-suffering tone.

"Naruto," said the Hokage. "It seems you do not understand the tasks you have been given."

Naruto looked at him. "Huh?"

"Listen," the Hokage said. "Many different kinds of requests come into our village every day. From babysitting to assassinations. These missions are carefully assessed, analyzed, and recorded, then ranked A, B, C, or D..."

His voice trailed off into the background as Akane sighed.  _I can't believe I have to stay on this team for six months..._ she paused, remembering the conversation she had had with Brother and Sister only a few days earlier.

 

_"Congrats!" said Fuyu enthusiastically, giving Akane a hug._

_Akane groaned. "Yeah, I'm so glad I passed this test and ended up on a team with a ridiculous fangirl, an arrogant emo boy, my mortal enemy, and a sensei who would sooner let us die than teach us, rather than being apprenticed to my brother and actually having fun while learning."_

_Fuyu paused. "Um... at least you... don't get the reputation of failing that guy's test?"_

_Akane gave a slight laugh. "I suppose it'll be a cold day in hell when you stop being positive."_

_Her sister grinned. "Mm!"_

_"Well," said Kaoru, "just so you know, I'm still gonna teach you."_

_She gave him a hopeful look. "Really? Really really really?"_

_"Really really really," he agreed. "There's no way I'm entrusting Hatake with all your training."_

_Akane breathed out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank god."_

_"Can I watch?" asked Fuyu._

_"Sure thing," said Akane. "In fact, I might make you train with me."_

_Fuyu groaned. "Isn't what I'm doing enough?" she whined._

_"It is for now," said Akane. "But just because you're a civvie doesn't mean I'm gonna let you be defenceless!"_

_Fuyu pouted. Akane ruffled her hair and turned to Kaoru._

_"Can we start now?" she asked. "We've got plenty of time left in the day, it's only, like, one."_

_He shrugged. "I don't see why not."_

_"Yes!" she cheered._

_"Alright, so." He turned around and strode towards the couch. "There's something I haven't told you about our family, either one of you."_

_"What is it?" asked Akane, flopping down on the armchair across from the couch. Fuyu settled on the floor and grabbed herself a colouring book._

_"We have a Kekkei Genkai," he said._

_Fuyu furrowed her brow. "A what?"_

_"A bloodline limit," Akane explained. "It's basically... a set of techniques unique to a certain family."_

_"Oh," she said. "And we have one? Cool!"_

_"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Akane asked Kaoru._

_"I wanted you to graduate the Academy first," he explained. "And honestly, it kinda slipped my mind."_

_Akane huffed. "What is it?"_

_"We can steal other people's Kekkei Genkai," he said. "And their techniques and chakra, too, but that's not as cool."_

_"Disagree!" said Fuyu cheerfully, colouring in a picture._

_"Well, you're still young," he said. "You'll understand later."_

_She hummed and said nothing else._

_"How do we do it?" Akane inquired._

_"It's simple, really," Kaoru said. "You just have to kill them."_

_"Oh," she said. "That's good, I thought it might be something hard."_

_"Nope," he said, popping the P. "Kunai right through the head does it just fine. Y'know, that's why I've been teaching you to kill since you were a kid."_

_Akane hummed. "Makes sense." She paused. "Is this how you've become the most OP ninja in the village?"_

_"That and blackmail," he said. "I've got about a dozen kekkei genkai now."_

_"Woah!" she said, surprised. "That's a lot."_

_"Is it?" Fuyu asked._

_"Definitely," she said. "Last time I checked, there were only about 20 recorded in the world."_

_"Oh," she said. "Brother's really cool!"_

_"I sure am," Kaoru agreed._

_"Hang on," said Akane. "You said something about also getting their techniques and chakra?"_

_"Yeah, that too." He stretched. "It's pretty much that... you know all their techniques, and their chakra pools merge with your own over the course of the next day. It's really useful if you're on a long term mission and you don't like your teammates."_

_"Not to mention you instinctively know how to use their Kekkei Genkai?" Akane asked._

_"Sort of," he said. "You'll still have to practice the techniques to master them physically, but you'll know how to do them down to the detail."_

_"Awesome," she said. "I've killed a bunch of people, is that why my chakra pool is enormous?"_

_"Exactly that," he agreed._

_"Woah," she said. "You're way cooler than Hatake."_

_"Of course," he said. "I believe that had been established."_

_She snickered._

_"But... speaking of Hatake..." he turned to face her. "For starters, I think I already told you to be careful, but I'll say it again. That guy's a weirdo."_

_"I know." She nodded._

_"But that's the thing," he said. "Your teammates probably don't. You should keep a close eye on that."_

_Akane groaned. "But I hate them! Can't I just warn them and be done with it?"_

_"Akane." Kaoru looked at her intensely. "Since you passed Hatake's test, only he or the Hokage can get you off Team 7, and chances are they won't. You're be with Team 7 for at least six months, until the next Chunin Exams."_

 

Akane sighed again.  _I guess it could be worse..._  she paused, looking over at Naruto sitting on the floor, rambling on about the different types of ramen.  _But not by much._

"Silence!" the Hokage barked, cutting off Naruto's rant.

"Oh." Kakashi rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry."

"Ah! You always lecture me like you're my grandfather, or something!" Naruto complained. "But I'm not the little brat who used to pull pranks all the time. I'm a ninja now, and I want a ninja mission!"

_That's never gonna work_.

The Hokage chuckled. "Naruto wants us to know that he's not a brat? He's a former brat, and he wants a mission? So be it."

"Huh?" Naruto asked.

_Okay, y'know what- fuck being a ninja, I should just retire and become a fortune teller, telling fortunes based on the_ _exact_ _opposite of everything I think._

"Since you are so determined," said the Hokage, "I'm going to give you a C-ranked mission. You'll be bodyguards on a journey."

"Really?" asked Naruto eagerly. "Yes! Who? Who? Are we guarding a princess? Or some counselor?"

"Don't be so impatient," the Hokage said. "I will bring him in now. Send in our visitor!"

The five of them turned towards the door at the back of the room. The door was pushed open, and in rambled an old man holding a bottle of alcohol. If Akane were less dignified, she would be howling with laughter.

"What the-" he stammered. "A bunch of little snot-nosed kids? And you, the little one, with the idiotic look on your face, you really expect me to believe you're a ninja?"

Naruto burst out laughing. "Who's the little one with the idiotic look on their... Huh?" Akane, Sakura, and Sasuke all stepped closer to him, demonstrating that they were all at least a centimeter taller than him. He growled. "I'll demolish you! Let me get my hands on-"

"You can't demolish the client, Naruto," said Kakashi, grabbing Naruto's collar.

The man sighed. "I am Tazuna, a master bridge builder, and I must return to my country. I am building a bridge that will change our world, and I expect you to get me there safely, even if it means giving up your life."

Akane blinked. "Why would we have to?"

"Excuse me?" he asked.

"Why would we have to give up our lives on a C-ranked mission?" she asked, speaking slowly. "The most we should be encountering is bandits."

"Listen, kid," he grumbled. "How should I know? I'm not hiring you to ask weird questions, so I don't want you to ask any."

"Asking weird questions is like 60% of my personality," said Akane.

"That's actually true," Iruka offered his input.

"Can confirm," Kakashi agreed.

"I wish she would stop." Naruto sulked.

Akane snickered. "No."

。。。

"Yeah!" Naruto cheered, throwing his fists up in the air. "Alright!"

"What are you getting so excited about, Naruto?" asked Sakura.

"This is the first time I've ever left the village!" said Naruto, looking around eagerly. "I'm a traveler now, believe it!"

"You've barely moved two meters," Akane noted. "I could lean back and touch the walls without moving my feet."

Naruto huffed.

"Am I supposed to trust my life to this runt?" asked Tazuna, irritated. "He's a joke!"

"He sure is," Akane agreed.

"You're not much better," the bridge builder sniffed.

"Ex _cuse_  me?" asked Akane, all hints of amusement vanishing from her face. "This coming from the moronic drunkard who couldn't even afford good clothes?"

"Akane, stop antagonizing the client," said Kakashi, walking over to her before Tazuna could react. "Tazuna-san, they're with me, and I'm a Jounin. So you don't need to worry."

"Hey!" Naruto shouted, turning around and pointing at Tazuna. "Never insult a ninja, it's a big mistake! And I'm one of the greatest and smartest ninja ever! Someday I'm gonna be Hokage, and you're gonna look up to me! My name's Naruto Uzumaki! Remember it!"

"That was a pretty belated response," Akane remarked.

"Be... what?" Naruto squinted.

Tazuna snorted. "Hokage are powerful and wise. You are puny and brainless. The day you become Hokage, I'll sprout wings and fly."

"Agh! Shut up!" Naruto shouted. "I'm willing to do anything to become Hokage, no matter what it takes!"

"Would you rape a small child?" asked Akane with a completely straight face.

There was silence for a moment, then Naruto said, "What the fuck-"

"Asking weird questions is 60% of my personality," she shrugged.

"That's sick, Akane!" said Sakura, looking disgusted.

"I don't think I want her coming along," said Tazuna.

Akane sighed. "That makes six of us, Oldie."

He glowered at her, then turned around and started walking. "Let's get going; I want to get home as soon as possible."

"Why?" asked Akane. "Aren't you from  _Wave_?"

"Shut up, you little brat!" he seethed.

She snorted. "Yeah. That'll work."

They travelled in silence for a few hours, then Sakura piped up. "Hey Sensei," she asked, "aren't there ninja in the Land of Waves?"

"No," said Kakashi. "But in other lands, there are other Hidden Villages, each with their own different customs and cultures, where ninja reside."

"...Yeah..." said Akane. "Sensei, we're all genin, we know that..."

"Just making sure," he said. "But Sakura, the Land of Waves is naturally protected by the sea, so it has no need for a ninja village. But there aren't any battles in a C-ranked mission, so you can relax." He patted her head.

"So we're not gonna run into any foreign ninja, or anything like that." She breathed a sigh of relief.

He chuckled. "Not likely."

They walked in silence a bit longer, than Sakura spoke up again. "Hey Akane, I have a question..." 

"I probably have an answer," she hummed. "Ask away."

"In the Academy, you were this weird, bumbling, over-eager student," said Sakura. "You teased Naruto a lot, but other than that, you were really nice!" She paused. "What happened?"

Akane shrugged. "I got put on a team with Naruto-kun."

Naruto scowled. "She was acting the whole time, Sakura-chan."

Sakura looked shocked. "No way! Really?"

"Eh... kinda?" said Akane. "Look, I didn't hide that much. I just never said what I really thought. Now that I'm a ninja..." she shrugged. "I can insult people however much I want."

Technically. She could insult whoever she wanted, but if she spoke every thought she had, she'd probably be imprisoned for treason.

"Wow..." said Sakura. "I never knew!"

"No fault of your own," said Akane smoothly. "No one did."

"Naruto did," Sasuke spoke up.

"Naruto-kun is probably an empath," said Akane, glancing at him. "He can tell."

He glared at her. She just smirked back. After all, she had already  _confided_  in her group; no one would believe Naruto if he tried to convince them that she was hiding something else.

Just then, they passed a puddle.

It was a weird puddle, all things considered... Akane pursed her lips. It hadn't rained in weeks, she had been complaining about that to Brother just that morning. So why...

Oh.

Well.

_Awesome_.

They had barely passed the puddle when there was a splashing behind them, and the sound of someone charging forward.

"What?" asked Kakashi, shocked. But before he had time to react, he was wrapped up in spiked chains.

"Huh?" asked Sakura.

"What?" Naruto shouted at the same time.

"Eh?" asked Akane, going with the trend. She really couldn't care less what happened to Hatake.

"Do it!" said one of the two ninjas who had attacked. They both pulled on their ends of the chains, and before Team 7's eyes, Kakashi was ripped apart.

_Woah_.

Sakura squealed and stumbled back. "Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto shouted, a bead of sweat running down his face.

"He's gone, Naruto-kun. Let it go."

Just then, the two ninja blurred behind him. "Now it's your turn," one of them said, chuckling. Naruto turned around, his eyes wide.

But before he could be cut up, a shuriken whirled through the air, deflecting the chain and pinning it to a tree. Sasuke threw another kunai towards the shuriken, securing it in place.

The foreign ninja trained against their chains. "I can't get loose," said one.

"Just rip off the chains!" Akane called. At Sasuke incredulous look, she shrugged. "What? They needed help."

He sighed and jumped up in the air, landing on their heads and kicking them. Just then, they followed Akane's advice and detached the chains from their gauntlets, running in opposite directions until there was one on either side of Team 7.

Sakura skid in front of Tazuna, holding up a kunai. Even though she was shaking, Akane could slightly admire that. She sighed and jumped forward, landing between the pink-haired girl and the ninja charging for her.

"Don't tremble, it shows weakness," she advised, grabbing the ninja's wrist and pushing it upwards. He growled in pain and swiped for her with his free hand. She flipped above him and grabbed his head, slamming in downwards into the ground. Landing gracefully, she grinned at Sakura and put one foot on the ninja's chest to keep him from moving. "Like that," Akane said nonchalantly.

Sakura gaped.

Akane opened her mouth to say more, but before she could, she heard Kakashi's voice. "Hi," he said casually, as though he hadn't just been ripped to shreds before them.

Her eyes widened slightly, and she turned around to see him standing with the other ninja loosely hanging under his arm.

Sakura gasped. "Kakashi-sensei! You're alive!"

"Huh?" Naruto asked. "But he was..." he turned his head, then sputtered as he saw bits of log where Kakashi's remains should have been. "What? Kakashi-sensei... used the Replacement Jutsu?"

Kakashi strolled forward a few paces. "Naruto... sorry I didn't help you right away. I didn't mean for you to get hurt. I just didn't think you'd freeze up like that."

Naruto grit his teeth.

"Huh. You're alive." Akane shoved her hands into the pockets of her black-and-white striped hoodie. "That's a shame."

He raised his one visible eyebrow. "Now, now, you really think these two could defeat me?"

She shrugged. "I didn't believe in you, is all."

He sighed. "Let me have the other one, please."

Akane nodded and stepped back. Kakashi bent down and picked up the fallen ninja, then sauntered over to a nearby tree and tied both of them up.

"Good job, though," he said. "You did well, better than I was expecting. And you too, Sasuke, Sakura."

Sakura blushed. "I- I didn't do much..."

"It's the thought that counts," said Akane, turning to her. "You were ready to die for that old slob, weren't you? You jumped right in front of him, even though you were totally outclassed." She paused. "It's more than  _Naruto-kun_  did."

Sasuke scoffed. "You aren't hurt, are you?" he called out to Naruto. " _Scaredy cat_."

"Scaredy  _dog_ ," Akane said. "Even cats wouldn't freeze up like you did, Naruto-kun."

Naruto growled and pointed at the two of them. "You-"

"Naruto!" Kakashi called. "Stand still. These ninja have poison in their claws. We need to take it out of you, quickly. You need to open the wound and remove it. It's in your blood, so don't move around; that spreads the poison."

"Wound?" asked Akane, looking at the deep scratches on Naruto's hand. "Wow. Not only were you useless, you were  _counterproductive!_  We're gonna have to go back, aren't we?"

"No way!" Naruto shouted.

"Tazuna," said Kakashi, turning to the bridge builder. "We need to talk." He gestured to the two tied-up ninja. "They're chunin, from the Village Hidden in the Mist. Their specialty is relentless attack. They keep fighting, no matter what the sacrifice."

"How did you know about our ambush?" said the only conscious one.

"A puddle?" asked Kakashi, condescendment colouring his tone. "On a clear day? When it hasn't rained in weeks?"

"In that case, why'd you leave it to the genin to do the fighting?" asked Tazuna.

_So are we actually gonna deal with Naruto's wound any time soon? No? Okay._

"I could have taken them out quickly," said Kakashi. "But then I'd have learned nothing. I had to know who their target was." He narrowed his eye. "And... what they were after."

"Hm?" asked Tazuna, looking slightly nervous. "What are you getting at?"

Kakashi turned to him. "This: I wanted to know if they were after us, ninja attacking ninja, or if they were after  _you_ , the master bridge builder. When you put in your request, you asked for standard protection, from robbers and highwaymen. You didn't say there were ninja looking for you, hunting you down. If we knew this, it would be a B-rank mission or higher. Our task was to get you to your destination and protect you while you finished your bridge. If we'd known we'd be fending off attacks from enemy ninja, we would have sent different ninja, and charged for the cost of a B-ranked mission. Apparently you have your reasons, but lying to us is  _not_  acceptable. We are now beyond the scope of this mission."

"We're genin, this is too advanced for our level of training," Sakura agreed.

_Correction:_ _**your** _ _level of training._

"We should go back," she continued. "Also, I really think we should treat Naruto's wound and get the poison out of him as soon as possible! Back in the village, we can take him to a doctor."

"Huh?" asked Naruto.

"Hm... Naruto's hand could become a problem," Kakashi agreed. "I guess we should go back to the village."

Naruto growled and held up a kunai. With a yell, he plunged it down into his hand. "Why am I so different?" he screamed. "Why am I always... agh!"

"Naruto!" Sakura ran forward. "Stop that! What are you doing!"

"Giving himself some stigmata," said Akane. She reached forward and grabbed the other girl's arm, pulling her back. "Just let him do his thing."

"I worked so hard to get here!" Naruto declared. "Pushing myself until it hurt! Training alone for hours... anything to get stronger. To reach my dream! I will never..." his grip tightened around the kunai. "Back down again, and let someone else rescue me! I will  _never_  run away. I will  _not_  lose to Sasuke and Akane. Upon this wound, I make this pledge! Believe it." He paused. "Bridge builder... I'll complete this mission, and protect you with this kunai knife." He gave a slight smirk, the only one Akane had ever seen on his face. "Don't worry," he promised. "I'll be  _fine_."

"Naruto..." said Kakashi. "That was really cool, how you took the poison out and all, but if you lose any more blood, you're going to die."

Naruto shivered.

Kakashi continued. "It'd be a good idea to stop the bleeding now, seriously."

"No, no, no!" Naruto scurried back and forth. "I'm too young for it to end like this! No!"

Kakashi sighed. "Show me your hand."

Naruto held out his hand, but kept scurrying. "No, no!"

"Naruto!" Sakura scolded him, putting her hands on her hips. "You've got a self-abusive personality. It's called masochism!"

Kakashi sighed and pulled out a roll of bandages. "Naruto, you're going to be fine. Don't do it again."

Akane sighed. "Well, let's get going, then."

Sakura frowned. "Aren't we going back?"

"Naruto-kun isn't." Akane put her hands on her hips. "And that means that Kakashi won't either, since he's not gonna abandon his comrade. And Sasuke's not gonna be stood up by Naruto-kun, so he's coming too. And this is probably gonna be the only action I'm gonna see in a while, so of course I'm coming. You can head back if you want, Sakura, but the rest of us are going on."

Sakura swallowed. "O-Okay."

"Great." Akane nodded. "Let's go; we should be at the Land of Waves soon. This is gonna be  _fun!_ "

。。。

"I take it back, this is even more boring than the Academy was."

"Oh, hush, Akane," Sakura scolded her. "We'll be there soon."

Akane groaned and turned around dramatically, leaning off the side of the small sailboat. Her arms dangled off, and her fingers barely skimmed the surface of the water. "We've been on this boat for nearly an  _hour_. When are we gonna get there?"

"I don't know," she said. "This fog is so thick, I can't see anything."

"The bridge isn't far now," said the rower. "Our destination's just ahead; the Land of Waves."

Just as he said that, the bridge came into view. "Woah!" Naruto shouted. "It's huge!"

"Wha- Quiet!" the rower whisper-shouted. "I told you, no noise! Why do you think we're traveling like this, huh? Cutting off the engine and rowing... moving through the dense fog? So they  _don't see us_."

"Who's  _they_?" Akane furrowed her brow.

"Good point," said Kakashi. "Tazuna-san, before we reach the pier, you need to answer that... and why those men are after you."

Tazuna sighed. "I guess I have no choice but to tell you. No... I want you to know the truth. Like you said, this is beyond the scope of the original mission. The one who seeks my life is a very short man, who casts a very long and deadly shadow."

Just so you know, there's an entire subreddit for shit like that.

"A deadly shadow?" Kakashi questioned. "Hm... Who is it?"

"You know him. At least, I'm sure you've heard his name before. He's one of the wealthiest men in the world. The shipping magnet, Gatou."

"Huh? Gatou?" said Kakashi. "Of Gatou Transport? He's a business leader, everyone knows him."

"Who, who?" asked Naruto. "What, what?"

"Gatou, Gatou. You're an idiot, you're an idiot."

I wonder who said that...

"Gatou... is a very powerful tycoon from a famous company, that's true." Tazuna closed his eyes. "But below the surface, with the same ruthless methods he uses to take over business and nations... he sells drugs."

Akane gasped. "The horror!" She was shot four exasperated looks, and scowled. "What? Compared to other shit that we shinobi do, selling drugs ain't that bad."

"He doesn't just sell drugs," said Tazuna. "He sells other contraband, too. Using gangs and ninja. About a year ago, when Gatou first set his sight on the Land of Waves, he came to our island and used his vast wealth to take total control of our transport and shipping. Anyone who tried to stand in his way simply... disappeared. In an island nation, a man who controls the sea controls  _everything_. Finance, government, our very lives. But there's one thing he fears."

"Alligators?" Akane inquired.

"Why would he fear  _alligators_?" Tazuna asked.

Akane shrugged. "He seems like a pretty smart guy."

He scowled. "Well, it's not alligators. It's the bridge. When it is complete, it will join us to the land, and that will break his control."

Akane blinked. "Why doesn't he just blow up the bridge?"

There was a moment of silence, then Tazuna said, "Maybe he's not actually that smart."

"He probably has some advisors," she said.

"So, wait." Sakura put her hand on her chin. "Since you're building the bridge, you're standing in this gangster's way?"

"That means... those guys we fought in the forest, they were working for Gatou," said Sasuke.

"Uh..." Naruto rested his finger on his temple.

"I don't understand," said Kakashi. "If you knew he was dangerous, knew he would send ninja to eliminate you, why did you hide that from us?"

"Because, the Land of Waves is a small, impoverished nation." Tazuna lowered his head. "Even our nobles have little money. The common people who are building this bridge... they can't pay for an A or B-ranked mission. It's too expensive. If you end the mission when you drop me ashore, there will be no bridge. They'll assassinate me before I reach home." There was yet another brief period of silence, then he sighed. "But don't feel bad about that! Of course my sweet little grandson will be upset, he'll cry 'Grandad, I want my Grandad!' Oh, and my daughter will blame the Village of Leaves, denouncing and blaming you for abandoning her father, and living her life in sorrow." He sighed. "It's not your fault, forget it."

Akane scowled. "Jeez, old man, learn to stop. I was gonna help you, but now that you've tried such pathetic tricks, I think I'd like to just go home."

Tazuna gaped. "But you- It won't be much trouble at all, kid! Didn't you say your sensei was a Jounin?"

"He is, and he's  _our sensei_." Akane crossed her arms. "His duty is to protect us and train us, not go around assassinating tycoons on some civvie's beck and call." She paused. "Sure, Sasuke and I would probably be fine, but Sakura and Naruto? They're totally dead weight! Kakashi will have to focus on protecting them." She turned to look at Sakura and Naruto, who were both glaring at her. "Uh... some offense."

"Some taken." Sakura scowled.

"Sensei, we're going on," Naruto declared, clearly trying to kill Akane with his eyes.

She forced down a smirk.

Kakashi gave a long-suffering sigh. "Well, I guess we have no choice. We'll have to go on protecting you."

Tazuna let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you. I'm very grateful."

"You'd better be," Akane huffed. "Thanks to you, we'll be heading right into the danger zone." She paused, then snickered. "Danger zone."

"Why's that funny?" asked Kakashi, raising his eyebrow.

She shrugged. "I dunno."

"We're approaching the shore," said the rower, cutting off whatever Kakashi might have said in response to that. "Tazuna, we've been very fortunate. No one has noticed us so far."

"Nice going," said Tazuna.

They entered a tunnel, which lasted for about ten seconds. When they pulled through, they were rewarded with clearing mist.

"Woah!" said Naruto, gazing around at the beautiful trees and wildlife.

"Hm. Pretty," said Akane, as they pulled up to a dock. "Let me out of this damn boat."

She stood up, stretching her legs, the hopped off the boat onto the dock. The others followed.

"This is as far as I go," said the rower. "Good luck."

"Right," said Tazuna. "Thank you for taking such a risk."

"Just be careful," he said, rowing away.

Akane snickered. "No."

"Okay," said Tazuna, turning around. "Take me to my home. And I mean get me there in one piece."

"How do you feel about  _two_  pieces?" asked Akane, pulling out a kunai. She was fucking sick of this man's attitude.

Tazuna shied back. Kakashi sighed and reached over, smacking her over the head. "No, Akane. If Naruto can't kill the client, neither can you."

"I wasn't gonna kill him," Akane protested. "Just, maybe, cut off a finger or two."

"Just?" Sakura shrieked.

"Akane, no." Kakashi repeated. "You are not to harm the client in any way."

Akane sulked and put the kunai away.

"Let's get going," said Kakashi, turning and strolling away.

。。。

An hour later, Akane was about ready to die of boredom. She could practically feel the dopamine centers in her brain shutting down. And as she always done in the past seven years when she was bored, she turned to Naruto.

Not literally. In fact, turning to him was exactly what she  _didn't_  do as she sped up to match his position at the front of the group. From the corner of her eye, she could see him scowl at her, and she could barely hold back a smirk. Any second now...

"Over there!" Naruto yelled, sending a kunai flying to his right.

He didn't want her to get ahead, she knew. And that made him sloppy. He wanted to see  _everything_  before she did, even things that weren't there.

"Hmph. It was just a mouse," he said.

"Mouse? Yeah right!" Sakura shrieked. "Everyone can see through your stupid act, it's so obvious it's embarrassing!"

"Naruto, those are knives. They're dangerous," said Kakashi, as though he were talking to a five-year-old.

"Stop trying to scare me, you scrubby little dwarf!" Tazuna yelled.

"Hey, is someone hiding over there?" Naruto asked, ignoring the commotion. "No- They're over there! Hey, hey, huh, huh..." He paused, then said. "Over  _there!_ " He sent another kunai flying.

"That's it, Naruto!" Sakura said, punching him over the head.

"Wh-What'd you do that for?" he whined, clutching his head. "Someone really is following us, I mean it!"

"Yeah right! Quit lying and acting like a dumb kid!"

Akane frowned, and noticed Kakashi walking over to where Naruto had thrown his knife. "There really is someone there, isn't there?" she asked quietly.

"Why do you say that?" Kakashi sounded oblivious, but she got the feeling he was just testing her. She huffed.

"I can feel it. There's something in the air."

"Hm. Nothing about this bunny?" he asked, gesturing to the rabbit that had clearly been traumatized by Naruto's knife.

"That's odd, yeah," she frowned. "But nothing about that in particular says there's an enemy. It's probably just someone's pet that ran away."

"What if it was put there for the Replacement Jutsu?"

She gave him a deadpan look. "You can use the Replacement Jutsu with anything, sensei. Why go to all the trouble of bringing a rabbit and putting it here when you can just use a leaf or something?"

"That's true," he said. "But you're right. Someone is following us. Be on guard."

She nodded.

"Naruto, look what you did!" came Sakura's voice behind them. Akane wasn't surprised. She had sensed the pink-haired girl (and the blond moron following her) approaching while she and Kakashi were talking.

"Ah! I'm sorry, bunny!" Naruto fretted, rushing over to the rabbit. "I'm so sorry!"

"All this fuss over a rodent?" Tazuna huffed.

"Look out!" Kakashi shouted suddenly. "Get down!"

"Phrasing!" Akane called as she dropped to the ground. Not a second too soon, but a massive blade spun through the air right where her head had been not a second before. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart, and let a huge grin spread over her face.

This... this would be fun.

This man, who was now perched in his sword, which had been thrown with such force that it was firmly embedded in a tree trunk... he was different from the chunin before. He was stronger. She might not even be able to beat him alone.

This would be  _fun._

Akane rose to her feet with the rest of her teammates, and looked at the man critically. She recognized him. He was one of the men Brother had told her about, the ones who hated him.

"Well well, if it isn't Zabuza Momochi, a rogue ninja from the Village Hidden in the Mist." Kakashi stepped forward.

Naruto stepped forward, but Kakashi cut him off. "Step back," he said. "Get out of the way, Naruto."

"But- Why?" Naruto demanded.

"He's not like those other ninja," said Kakashi. "He's in a whole other league." He paused. "If he's out opponent... I'll need this." He reached up and gripped the headband covering his eye.

"Kakashi of the Sharingan eye..." Zabuza mused. "Did I get that right?"

To her right, Sasuke stiffened. "Sharingan..." he murmured.

Akane grimaced. That... was gonna be rough.

"Did I get that right?" Zabuza asked. "But you'll have to hand over the old man."

"Quick!" Kakashi barked. "Manji formation! Protect the bridge builder, and stay out of this fight! I taught you teamwork, now it's time for you to use it."

He said nothing further, instead pushing up his headband entirely to reveal a gleaming red eye. Naruto flinched next to her. "Woah..."

"Well," said Zabuza. "Looks like I get to see the Sharingan in action. This is an honour."

"Everyone keeps saying Sharingan, Sharingan," Naruto ranted. "Will someone please tell me what Sharingan is?"

"Sharingan..." Sasuke murmured. "A rare power. It resides in the eyes. The user of this visual jutsu, or dojutsu, can instantly see and comprehend any genjutsu, ninjutsu, or taijutsu, and reflect the attack back on the attacker. The Sharingan is a special form of dojutsu. However, there's more to the Sharingan than that. A lot more." He looked downcast.

"I call OP," Akane announced. "Where can I get it?"

"It's unique to my clan, the Uchiha," said Sasuke. "It's not something that you can 'get.'"

"See, you say that..." Akane trailed off. She was  _so_  excited to start training with her new kekkei genkai.

"You got it right, boy," said Zabuza. "But you only scratched the surface. The Sharingan can analyze an opponent's technique, and then copy it to the slightest detail."

_That's literally what he just said..._

"As for you, jounin," Zabuza continued, "in the assassination unit in the Hidden Mist, we had a standing order to destroy you on sight. Your profile was in our Bingo Book. They called you The Man Who Copied Over A Thousand Jutsu. Kakashi, the Copy Ninja."

_I'm surrounded by mediocrity... am I the only person who can actually think of good names?_

"Wow, that's so cool!" Naruto cheered.

"Kakashi, I need to exterminate the old man." Zabuza crouched down.

"Team!" Kakashi shouted. "Manji formation!  _Now!"_

"No!" Akane argued as she jumped into position alongside her teammates.

"So, I'll have to eliminate you first, Kakashi? So be it." Zabuza chuckled and grasped the handle of his sword, then blurred out of sight. Mist flooded the clearing.

"H-He's over there!" Naruto shouted, looking to his side.

"Standing on the water!" Sakura added.

"The rest of us don't have eyes!" Akane snarked.

"Akane, now is  _not_  the time!" Sakura insisted.

Zabuza formed a single hand sign and held it there. Mist and water spray from the ocean began to swirl around him. Akane narrowed her eyes.  _He's building up a lot of chakra..._

"Ninja Art..." he began, his voice echoing through the clearing. "Hidden Mist Jutsu!"

"He vanished!" said Naruto in awe, which was true. Akane  _really_  didn't understand why he felt the need to narrate everything.

Kakashi strode forward. "Sensei-" Sakura protested, but her cut her off.

"He'll come after me first," he said.

"But- who is he?" she asked.

"Well, uh, he was already introduced as Zabuza Momochi," said Akane. "He's a missing-nin from Mist. He used to lead the Assassination Unit, but I think he got kicked out after he tried to kill the Mizukage. He uses that unnecessarily big-ass meat cleaver you saw, but he's also really fond of the HIdden Mist jutsu, and just water jutsu in general-"

"How do you know all this?" asked Sakura, confusion colouring her tone.

"Brother told me about him." Akane shrugged. "And just so you know, he's really good at the Silent Killing Technique."

"S-Silent?" Naruto stammered.

"Basically, he kills you really quickly," said Akane. "And quietly."

"Even the Sharingan cannot fully neutralize it, so don't lower your guard," Kakashi instructed them.

"What's the point of  _that_? If even the Sharingan can't stop it, why bother?" Akane asked. She paused, then added. "Kidding...?"

"Akane, your snark is really distracting." Kakashi looked around, then sighed. "Well. If we fail, at least we only lose our lives."

"How can you say that?" Sakura snapped.

"Easy. He uses his vocal chords."

"Akane, when I say your snark is distracting, I mean for you to stop..."

"Well say that outright, don't be a little bitch about it."

"The mist is getting thicker and thicker!" Naruto cried, distracting Kakashi from his student. Which was probably a good thing, since comrades or not, he was about ready to stab her.

"The Land of Waves is surrounded by ocean," said Tazuna. "Mists are ever-present."

"Sensei!" Sakura cried, drawing everyone else's attention. The mist had grown so thick, it was obscuring his form.

"Y'know, this is  _awesome_ ," said Akane. "We should take some pictures! When we get home, we can make a scrapbook."

"What is wrong with you, Akane?" Sakura snapped.

Akane blinked. "What? I like scrapbooks, that's not-"

"Eight points." Zabuza's voice cut her off. She huffed.  _Rude._

Sakura gasped. "What's that?"

"Obviously it's a unicorn, Sakura."

"Larynx. Spine. Lungs. Liver. Jugular. Subclavian artery. Kidneys. Heart. Now... which will be my kill point?"

"The liver isn't instantly fatal, you fucking moron," Akane scoffed. "You're have to go really deep and be really messy, which, sure, you can do with your big-ass sword, but why would you? It just looks sloppy, and it would still take a while. That ain't silent killing, dumbass. And why the hell wasn't the brain on that list?"

There was a moment of silence, then Zabuza said, "I'm going to kill you first, little girl."

"What?" Akane called. "Can't take criticism?"

Sakura's shoulders shook slightly, and she could hear Naruto snickering just a bit. She smiled to herself. Tension: broken. Mission accomplished.

All of a sudden, there was a large surge of chaka from Kakashi. Startled, all four of them looked in his direction, to see him glowing slightly.

To her left, Akane could feel Sasuke trembling the slightest bit. His fingers curled around his kunai, and he raised it up-

She clasped her hand over his. " _I'm_  not scared, Sasuke-kun," she murmured, pulling the kunai away from him. "You don't want to lose to me, do you?"

The trembling stopped.

"You know, we wouldn't be Team 7 without you," she said suddenly. "You can't go off and leave us on our own, you big baby."

She could feel him glaring at her. "I won't," he snapped, and snatched his kunai back.

"I wouldn't be so sure," said Zabuza, suddenly appearing in their midst. Sakura gasped. "It's over," he said dramatically. "For  _all_  of you-"

Akane stabbed him in the chest.

Unfortunately, he moved at the last second, so it was on the wrong side of the chest. Fortunately, it was still in there pretty deep. Unfortunately, he was now extremely mad at her. 

Fortunately, it wasn't actually him.

From the wound, where blood should be pouring, water was instead dripping down. Zabuza scowled, then dissipated completely into a splash of water.

Akane huffed. "Damn. Water Clone."

"That was pretty cool, Akane," said Sakura.

Akane just shrugged. "It was just his idiocy. Who the fuck speaks  _before_  killing the people he's right behind?" She paused. "Unless..." she whirled around. "Kakashi! Behind you!"

Kakashi turned around, and his eyes widened. But it was too late. "Die!" Zabuza declared, swinging his sword around. Kakashi was cleaved in half.

Or, at least, his clone was.

Zabuza stood shocked for a moment. "A Water Clone-" he mumbled, before a kunai was put at his neck.

"Don't move," Kakashi ordered from behind him. " _Now_  it's over."

It was not, in fact, over. It sure seemed that way, but even as the rest of the team cheered, Zabuza began to chuckle.

"Over?" he questioned. "You really don't get it, do you? Your technique is nothing but a crass imitation. I'll never be defeated by a mere copy-cat ninja like you."

_Why is it always cat?_  Akane wondered.  _Copy-cat, scaredy cat... what has everyone got against cats?_

Zabuza kept chuckling. "You  _are_  full of surprises, though. You'd already copied my water clone jutsu, even before your student stabbed me. Very skillfully executed."

"Not that you'd have much experience with skillful execution," Akane piped up.

Zabuza glared her. "Are you trying to provoke me?"

"Yeah," she admitted easily.

He chuckled once more. "Nice try, kiddo. But I'm not that easy to anger... or to fool."

He appeared behind Kakashi once more. Kakashi's eyes widened and he swiped his knife through the "Zabuza" in front of him, revealing to it be a clone as well.

"Hey!" Naruto shouted. "That one's a clone too!"

"Oh my god, really?"

Zabuza swung his sword around, and Kakashi barely dodged in time. Zabuza dropped his sword and kicked Kakashi in the gut. "Now..." he said, picking up his sword and charging forward. Kakashi landed with a splash in the ocean.

"Sensei!" Naruto shouted.

Sasuke frowned. "He has great physical skill, too..." he muttered, a bead of sweat running down his face.

Kakashi's head emerged above the waves, but before he could do anything, Zabuza blurred behind him.

"Ha. Fool," he crowed, making rapid hand signs. "Water Prison Jutsu!"

"In a way, isn't all water a prison?" Akane wondered absentmindedly.

"Akane, what the  _fuck_  does that mean?" asked Naruto, clearly on edge.

She shrugged. "I dunno. Everyone else gets to say something cool, why can't I?"

"That wasn't  _cool_ ," he said.

She scoffed. "Yeah. Like  _you'd_  know."

Their budding argument was cut off by the sound of Zabuza chuckling once again. "This prison is made of water, but it's stronger than steel... it's hard to fight when you can't move. So much for the great Kakashi. I'll finish you off later. But first, your little friends will have to be eliminated."

"We're not friends!" Akane piped up. "I fucking hate him!"

"Oh," said Zabuza. "Well. In that case, I'll let you go."

"No you won't," she said.

"No. Of course I won't." He held up his free hand in another sign. "Water Clone Jutsu!" From the water, another clone rose up. Naruto gasped.

Zabuza chuckled. When will this man stop chuckling? Please, please, I am begging you. I've written the word chuckled at least half a dozen times by now. It no longer sounds like a word. Please stop chuckling.

"You think wearing a headband makes you a ninja," said Zabuza, utterly ignoring this author's desperate plea. "When you've hovered between life and death so many times it doesn't phase you, then, you  _may_  be called a ninja." 

_Awesome, I'm a ninja._

"When you've become so deadly your profile is entered in my Bingo Book, then you may have earned the title 'ninja.'"

_Well shit... is this what Brother meant when he said mixed messages?_

"But to call upstarts like you ninja... is a joke."

His clone made a hand sign, and faded away into the mist. But that didn't matter much, since he reappeared not a second later in order to kick Naruto in the head. Naruto landed with a grunt on the ground, and his headband flew off his forehead.

_Maybe he didn't tie it tight enough._

"You're just brats," said Zabuza, stepping on Naruto's headband.

"Naruto!" Sakura shouted.

Kakashi growled. "Listen!" he shouted from his water prison. "Get the bridge builder and run! You can't win this fight! He's using all his power to keep me in this prison, so he can only fight you with his Water Clone! But the clone can't go far from his real body! If you get away from him, he can't follow! Now run!"

"Running makes me tired." Akane shoved her hands into her pockets. "I mean... kinda. If I run far enough... which is how far we'll have to go to escape this guy, Kakashi. He's just gonna kill you and then follow us. Are you stupid or are you dumb?"

"The kid's right, Kakashi." Zabuza smirked, probably. "No matter where you go... I'll find you."

Akane clicked her tongue. "Alright, guys, let's take this as a learning experience. Sakura, let's say everyone but you and the bridge builder were out of commission. What would  _you_  do?"

"Are you  _serious_?" she shrieked.

"Not really." Akane shrugged. "But we'll beat this tool soon enough, why not get some experience as well?"

"You're awfully confident, little girl," Zabuza rumbled.

"Well, of course," she said. "It's  _you_. How hard can it be?"

"Akane!" Sakura yelled. "Stop antagonizing him!"

"What?" she asked. "If he's really as secure in himself as he claims he is, then why would he be affected by the words of one weird little teenager?"

Zabuza turned towards her and narrowed his eyes. She smirked and drew her hands out of her pockets, about to grab one of the daggers hanging from her belt, but Sasuke acted before she did. He charged forward, tossing about half a dozen shuriken at the man, but Zabuza deflected them with a singular swipe of his sword. Sasuke took that opportunity to leap up into the air. Zabuza merely smirked and kicked him in the stomach as he came down, sending the black-haired boy sprawling across the ground.

Akane barely held back a snicker.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura cried.

Out of the corner of her eye, Akane could see Naruto start to tremble. Sweat dripped down his face, and he started to crawl backwards.

She narrowed her eyes. "Naruto!" she called. "Quit being a little bitch. You made a promise, remember?"

He turned toward her, eyes wide.

"If you run away," she continued, "you'll prove me right about you. You don't want that, do you?"

In hindsight, she wouldn't be able to entirely articulate why she had chosen to help him rather than let him run away and enjoy the consequences. But seeing Naruto retreat would've been... wrong. He never backed down; that was one of the things she hated most about him.

There was a brief moment of silence when she suspected her words hadn't been enough, but then he rose to his feet. "Akane... you are such a bitch," he muttered, then charged forward.

_Oh my god, no, that's not what I meant-_

"Naruto, no!" Kakashi shouted.

"Agh! Naruto, what in the world are you doing?" Sakura shouted.

Zabuza chuckled. "Fool."

Naruto finally reached Zabuza and reached out with a yell, but the cow man flung him away as easily as breathing. Akane wondered if motivating Naruto had been the wrong decision.

"What were you thinking, charging at him by yourself?" Sakura demanded, worried. "Even Sasuke-kun couldn't get to him!"

"Well if Sasuke couldn't get to him, then there's really no way anyone else in existence can."

"We're only genin, we can't defeat a jounin! What did you think you'd accomplish by that?"

Naruto pushed himself up with a groan and held out his hand, revealing his reason for charging -- his headband. Sakura's eyes widened, and Akane gave an impressed little huff.

"Hey you," said Naruto, crawling to his feet. "The freak with no eyebrows... put this in your Bingo Book! The ninja who will become Hokage of the Village Hidden in the Leaves..." he tied his headband over his forehead, his eyes shadowed. "He never backs down." He grinned viciously. "His name's Naruto Uzumaki!"

He took a deep breath and stepped forward slightly. "Alright Sasuke..." he paused, then added. "And Akane, listen up! Can you hear me?"

Sasuke nodded. "Yeah, I hear you."

Akane also nodded, intrigued. "Mm."

"I've got a plan," Naruto declared.

"That's new," said Akane.

Sasuke scoffed. "Finally thinking about teamwork then, huh?"

_You're one to talk..._

"Alright, guys." Naruto wiped away blood from the corner of his mouth. "Let's go wild!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm... unorthodox stopping point, I guess, but this chapter has already become something of a monster, and the day's almost over. Seems like a good solution.  
> Unrelated: I won't be copying from the course material for much longer. Canon divergence will start soon.  
> Like, next chapter. Stay tuned!


	4. a wonder on a wave

_Akane was six when she first asked about Kaoru's team._

_"Brother," she said one day, "do you have friends?"_

_The thirteen-year-old glanced over at her. "Not really," he said._

_"Why not?" she wondered, stroking the cat on her lap._

_He shrugged. "People are weird," he said. "And really confusing. Not worth the effort, I think. Besides, I don't really need any."_

_"Well, yeah," she agreed with that. "But_ _other_ _kids have friends... do they need them?"_

_"They might." Kaoru tapped his chin. "I'm not sure, I've never had any. My genin team was the closest I ever had, and they're gone now. Good riddance, in my opinion."_

_"What happened to them?" she asked._

_"They died on a mission," he said. "It doesn't much matter. I can't even remember their names. I didn't work well with them at all, so I didn't see why I should save them."_

_"Brother doesn't work well with anyone," said Akane, scratching Mika under the chin. The cat purred._

_"Nah," he said. "I'm better solo. That's just how my skill set works. I mean," he paused. "When you graduate and become a ninja, I can probably adapt my fighting style to work with yours."_

_Akane beamed._

_"But until then," he continued. "I've got no need for friends."_

_She paused. "Do you think I need friends?"_

_"That's up to you," said Kaoru. "I guess it depends on what you choose to specialize in. Working with others may be beneficial, if you're facing an enemy you can't beat alone."_

 

It wasn't that bad a plan, all things considered. Akane probably could've done better, but she had to admit, it was pretty clever for something Naruto had thought up.

"Okay," said the blond boy. "Ready? Let's bring this guy down."

Zabuza chuckled again. Chuckle count: six. "Big words for such a little man," he said. "You think your plan's going to keep you in the game?"

"What are you doing?" Kakashi shouted. "I told you to run! This fight was over the moment I got caught! Now take off! Your mission is not to prove how brave you are, it's to save the bridge builder! Stay on mission!"

"Huh." Naruto turned his head to look at Tazuna. "Bridge builder?"

Tazuna lowered his head. "Well, I... I guess... this all happen because of me. Because of my desire to live. But I won't let that stand in your way now." He looked up. "Forget about me, and do what you have to do! Go ahead and fight to save your sensei!"

"Alright, you hear that?" said Sasuke.

"No, I'm deaf," said Akane.

Naruto sighed. "You ready?"

Zabuza chuckled. Chuckle count: seven. "You really haven't learned anything, have you? Still playing your little game, pretending to be ninja." He held up his hand. "When I was your age, this hand had already crushed many opponents."

"Me too!" Akane cheered. Naruto looked at her, slightly alarmed. She shrugged. "What? It's true." She turned to Zabuza. "Well, cowboy? Tell me your story."

"Long ago, in the Village Hidden in the Mist," Kakashi called, "also known as the Bloody Mist, before a student could become a ninja, there was one final test."

"Hm?" Zabuza turned to him. "Do you know about the graduation exam?"

"W-What graduation exam?" asked Naruto.

Zabuza chuckled. Chuckle count: eight.

"What's the big deal, anyway?" Naruto continued. "We had graduation tests too."

"Yeah, and they were the most boring things I've ever experienced," Akane rolled her eyes. "Let the cow man talk, Naruto-kun."

Zabuza smirked. "Little boy, did you have to kill the other students to pass?"

Naruto gasped.

"Imagine," Zabuza continued, "young ninja like you, eating together, training together, and then comes the final exam... only they change the rules. Kill or be killed! You can't stop while your opponent still breathes. He was your friend, shared your dreams! Now it's him or you."

"Ten years ago, in the Hidden Mist," said Kakashi, "the graduation exam... changed. One year before, a dark evil had filled the school with terror."

"Was it an alligator?" 

"What the fuck is it with you and alligators?"

"They're terrifying, Naruto-kun!" Akane snapped. "They're the perfect killing machine!"

" _I_  am the perfect killing machine!" Zabuza roared. "Shut up, little girl! I'm telling a story!"

"And sucking at it!" she sniped back. "But go on, what was that  _dark evil?_ "

"Without cause or hesitation," said Kakashi, before Zabuza could start talking, "a young boy who was not even a ninja approached the class, and took down over a hundred over students."

"So?" asked Akane. "That's not that impressive."

If there was dramatic music in the background, it would be screeching to a halt right about now.

"They're just students," she continued. "I could totally kill a hundred students. Besides, what was the point of killing them all? It would be just for show, which is the worst show ever. It's just a waste. Even if none of those students grew up to be good ninja, they could still be cannon fodder on missions." She paused. "Did you just have a really bad home life?"

There was a moment of silence, then Zabuza gripped his sword. "Little girl, you are so annoying."

Akane huffed. "Well sor- _ry_  for ruining your big dramatic moment. Go on, I won't interrupt this time."

"I'm going to kill you last," he declared.

"Earlier you said you were gonna kill me first," she piped up.

"Now you've made me angry," he scowled. "Only when you watch all your friends  _die_  will you be killed."

"Awesome, I'll live forever."

Zabuza decided to ignore her at that point, and lunged forward to kick Sasuke in the stomach. Sasuke flew back and hit the ground with a grunt, but didn't have time to recuperate before Zabuza was at his side. The masked man chuckled and drove his elbow down into Sasuke's stomach, sending blood flying from the boy's mouth.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura screamed.

"You have internal bleeding; stay still!" Akane added, not really caring. They were ninja, they were immune to internal bleeding.

Somehow.

Because fuck biology.

Look, it doesn't matter. What does matter is that Zabuza was talking  _again_.

"You're nothing." he chuckled. Chuckle count: ten.

"Stop right there!" Naruto yelled. "Shadow Clone Jutsu!"

Two dozen flickered to life around Zabuza. "Here we go!" They cheered in unison, and all jumped up into the air, piling down on Zabuza. That may have worked better if there weren't so many that they couldn't all even reach their designated target.

And if Zabuza wasn't capable of dispelling half a dozen of them with a single swipe of his sword.

Sakura gasped. "No!"

"His skills are too advanced," said Tazuna, worried. "He's too powerful; there's no way to defeat him!"

"Brother totally could," Akane crossed her arms. "He  _has_. Multiple times."

That caught Zabuza's attention. "Little girl," he said, turning to her, "who is your brother?"

"Kaoru Hizashi," said Akane proudly. "I'm sure you've  _heard_ of him."

He growled. "Your brother is the one who mutilated my face, girlie. I'll enjoy getting my revenge." 

"Great." Akane shoved her hands in her pockets. "While you're at it, maybe think of a better nickname than 'Girlie.' Seriously, I'm surrounded by mediocrity." She paused. "And just to clarify, when you say 'getting your revenge,' you mean being a petty little bitch and killing his helpless little sister out of a misplaced inferiority complex- oh shit!" She barely leaped back in time as Zabuza's sword shattered the ground she had been standing on just a second prior.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" she asked, irritated. "I let  _you_  monologue."

"Enough talking, little girl," he rumbled. "Time to put your money where your mouth is."

"I don't have money, Sister steals it all the time." Akane leaped backwards again. "And what she doesn't steal, I spend on candy literally as soon as I get it."

He blurred forward and punched her in the stomach. She skidded back and jumped into the air as he charged forward. His anger was making him reckless, she noted as she landed lightly behind him and drew her daggers out of their sheathes. Apparently even clones had feelings.

Who knew.

Her stomach ached, but she pushed that down, twirling her left dagger around. They were both among her most treasured possessions; styled after Father's, Brother had given them to her on her eighth birthday. Since then, she'd barely fought with anything else.

Water Clones only had a tenth of the original's strength, Akane knew. She could handle that while Naruto and Sasuke freed Kakashi. It would be easy.

"So, Eyebrowless!" she called. "How'd it go, huh? All Brother told me was that he kicked your ass twice."

Zabuza snarled. "You have no idea what you're talking about, little girl."

Akane blinked. "Well. Yeah. That's why I'm asking."

He narrowed his eyes. "Your brother is the reason my assassination attempt on the Mizukage failed, and he is the reason I wear this mask. When I see him again, I will-"

Akane took that opportunity to toss her left dagger forward, making sure to attach a chakra string to its blade beforehand. She didn't particularly care what the eyebrowless freak was planning to do; she had only asked to find out more about Brother.

The clone just leaned his head slightly to the side, letting the knife whiz past him. "Nice try, little girl," he said, chuckling (Chuckle count: eleven), "but-"

She twitched her finger, pulling the knife back to her. It sliced through the man's chest, sending a spout of water spattering to the ground. He snarled as her as the rest of his body dissolved into water. Akane just smirked and caught her dagger, turning around.

She seemed to have missed most of the battle, but Naruto was still shouting at Zabuza needlessly, so she just sheathed her daggers and meandered forward. "How's it going?" she asked Sakura casually, as though they weren't in the midst of a battle for their lives.

"Where'd  _you_  go, Akane?" asked Sakura, putting her hands on her hips.

Ajani angled her head to the right. "I was right over there, actually. But I guess looking around and paying attention to your surroundings must be among all the other things you suck at."

Sakura growled at her, but it seemed oddly despondent. Akane ignored this and pushed her hands in her pockets, glancing over at Naruto and Sasuke.

"How are  _they_  doing, then?" she wondered, watching as Sasuke threw a Fuma shuriken at Zabuza. "Since you don't seem very willing to talk about yourself."

Sakura twisted her hands together. "I don't know," she fretted. "They're being really reckless; I'm worried about them. They should be more careful!"

Akane shrugged. "Well, you haven't been a ninja long."

Zabuza chuckled as he dodged the shuriken effortlessly. Chuckle count: twelve. "You really think such a cheap maneuver could defeat me? You kids are just insolent brats, thinking-"

"Look to your left!" Akane called out, tired of his monologuing.

Of course Zabuza didn't fall for that, but it  _did_  distract him long enough for a clone of Naruto to jump up behind him and jab a kunai into his hand.

"Ha!" the blond boy crowed as Zabuza reeled back, spitting curses. "I put a shadow clone in the shuriken's shadow! Bet you didn't see  _that_  coming, you eyebrowless freak!"

Zabuza growled and swung his sword around, coming close to slicing Naruto's head off. However, it was blocked barely a foot from the boy's face by a kunai.

"Hey," said Kakashi conversationally, as though he were discussing the weather. His eyes promised pain.

What followed was the second most one-sided fight Akane had seen. (The first being, of course, Naruto vs. Kakashi.) It seemed a passive Kakashi couldn't even compare to a Kakashi whose students were threatened.

It was going very smoothly until Akane intervened. "Ooh! Ooh!" she piped up, racing forward. "Can  _I_  kill him, Kakashi?"

Kakashi sent her a deadpan look, not removing his kunai from Zabuza's neck. "Why would you want to?"

"Uh... reasons," she said evasively, glancing away. "Look, will it really make a difference?"

He looked about ready to reply, but was cut off by two senbon slicing through the air and landing in Zabuza's neck. He keeled over and hit the ground with a thump.

A masked figure dropped down the trees. "Excuse me," he said, hurrying over to Zabuza's body. "May I take this?"

"You may not." Akane crossed her arms. " _We're_  the ones who beat him."

The figure seemed slightly surprised. "Miss-"

"Akane, this is a Hunter-Nin from Kiri," said Kakashi, backing away slightly. "He has a right to take the body."

Akane groaned. "Fine," she said. "But..." she drew one of her daggers and sliced Zabuza's head off in one smooth motion. "Here." She tossed the severed head to the Hunter-Nin.

He stiffened. "Zabuza-sama!" he shrieked, lunging at Akane. Her eyes widened and she cursed, jabbing out her dagger in an instinctive motion. It slid right into the Hunter-Nin's stomach and he halted, coughing up blood on her face. She grimaced and wiped it off delicately, then grabbed his shoulder to steady him.

"Easy, there," she said, and slit his throat.

She backed up, letting his body fall down easily. "Well." She turned around. "I think that went well."

"Akane," said Kakashi slowly, "why did you do that?"

She blinked. "I didn't think anything would be wrong with it. Hunter-Nin are supposed to dispose of the body immediately anyways, so why would it matter if I killed the guy instead of him? Jeez." She paused. "Besides... I'm started to think he wasn't actually a Hunter-Nin."

"Really," said Kakashi, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

She nodded. "Yes."

He sighed. "Well, you exposed Zabuza's accomplice, and they're both dead now. I suppose you could've done worse."

She beamed, and tried to restrain herself from stabbing him. This man was so damn  _patronizing._

"Although, I'll ask again." Kakashi looked at her firmly. "Why did you want to kill him?"

"Not important." Akane waved her hand dismissively. "What  _is_  important is I'm suddenly  _freezing_. What the hell happened?"

"Uh, nothing," said Naruto. "It didn't get colder."

Akane scoffed. "Yeah, right."

Kakashi looked at her oddly. "Yeah. Right. Nothing has happened to the temperature, Akane."

She blinked. "Really?"

"Yeah," said Sakura, who had walked up to them while they were talking.

Sasuke just nodded.

She tapped her chin, then started in surprise at the sudden chill coming from her fingertip. "What the-" she looked down, and widened her eyes at the sight of frost covering her hands.

A large grin spread over her face.

。。。

"My head hurts," Akane whined, kicking a rock on the side of the road.

"So I've heard," Tazuna grumbled, glaring at her. "Would you quit complaining?"

"Why should I?" she said, rounding on him. "My head hurts, I'm freezing, my stomach aches from getting punched in the gut, Kakashi passed out like a lame-o, and we're on our  _fourth_  stretch of walking for hours! How far away is your fucking house??"

"You're not the one carrying Sensei," Naruto grouched.

"Neither are you!" said Akane, gesturing to the group on clones that was hauling Kakashi along.

"We're almost there, kid," Tazuna sighed. "Calm down."

She scowled.

"Why does your head hurt, Akane?" asked Sakura, glancing over at the redhead. "You didn't get hit there, did you?"

She shook her head. "Nah, it's not that. It's just..."

Some form of assimilation, if she had to guess. Both Zabuza and his accomplice were likely very skilled, and knew a lot of techniques. It would probably take a while to sort through them all. And once she did, it would be  _awesome_.

That didn't mean she appreciated the headache, though.

It felt like her head was repeatedly getting smashed against a bunch of nails.

I don't know if you've ever experienced that, but it really hurts.

"What about now? Are we there yet?" she questioned five minutes later.

Tazuna rolled his eyes. "I just said, we'll be there soon."

"Well how soon is soon?" she groaned. "I wanna sleeeeeep!"

He sighed explosively. "Two minutes, kid! Happy?"

"Uh, not really," she said. "But better."

The man's house gradually came into view. It wasn't very impressive, all things considered; Akane's house could probably fit ten of them just on the first floor. But, well, judge not lest ye be judged.

"Looks nice," she lied smoothly.

"Thanks," said Tazuna. "It's one of the better houses in Wave."

Well. That was depressing.

The interior was oddly homey, all things considered. Despite its size and deteriorating state, it was clearly well-loved. It was clean, too, which Akane appreciated.

A young woman with long black hair poked her head out from what Akane assumed was a kitchen. "Father! Welcome back!" she smiled.

"I sure am," Tazuna rumbled. "Tsunami, this is the team I hired. Team, this is Tsunami, my daughter."

"Nice to meet you," said Sakura, bowing. Neither Naruto nor Sasuke bothered to follow her lead, so Akane rolled her eyes and bowed as well. She didn't want it to be awkward.

"Grandpa! You're back! ...Who the hell are these people?"

...A sentiment that was apparently not shared by the scrawny brat who had just appeared. Akane frowned.

"Inari, this is the team from Konoha who is going to help me finish the bridge," said Tazuna, kneeling down to give the boy a hug. "Team, this is Inari, my grandson."

"Why are you here?" Inari demanded.

Akane snorted. "I was just asking myself the same question, kid."

He scowled at her. "You can't stand up to Gatou! He's just gonna kill you! Just go home!"

Akane snickered. "Hell no, kid. We just defeated Zabuza Momochi, which means Gatou will be getting desperate. He'll be hiring someone even stronger next!" She paused. "We should probably go home."

"No way!" Naruto declared. "We said we'd help the bridge builder!"

Akane rolled her eyes. "It was a  _joke_ , moron. Of course we're staying."

He huffed.

"Well," said Tsunami, stepping towards them. "You must be tired from your journey. Would you like to rest?"

"I would, yeah," Akane agreed before anyone could turn the woman down. She was  _exhausted_.

Tsunami smiled. "Very well. Allow me to show you to your room." She turned around and headed for a set of stairs. The rest of them followed her.

"We don't have much space, I'm afraid," said the woman. "We only have one guest room, so you will all have to share."

Sakura stopped short. "Share a room with  _Naruto_?"

"And Sasuke," Akane reminded her.

"And Sasuke-kun!!" The pink-haired girl's mood did a 180. Her eyes sparkled.

Akane grimaced and inched away. "I'm sorry," she murmured to Sasuke. He just glared at her.

"Anyways, Tsunami-san," said Akane, turning to the patiently-waiting woman. "One room is fine, there's no need to trouble yourself. We're teenagers, nothing will happen besides Sakura attempting to molest Sasuke."

Tsunami looked slightly alarmed. "Excuse me?"

"I said we're teenagers, nothing will happen." Akane smiled innocently.

She still looked worried, but relented. "Alright then. Here we are." She gestured to a moderately-sized room to their left, with four futons lying on the floor. "Unfortunately, we were planning on hiring a standard four-man team, so I only laid out four futons." She sounded apologetic.

"Kakashi can sleep on the floor," said Akane, shrugging.

"What?" Sakura demanded. "He's injured! He can't sleep on the floor!"

"He's a Jounin, he can survive sleeping on the floor. Besides, it's only chakra exhaustion, it's not like he's injured physically."

"No." Sakura crossed her arms. "If it's so easy, why don't  _you_  sleep on the floor?"

"I'm injured too!" Akane protested. "More than you are, anyways, I actually  _did_  something on this mission so far! If you're so critical, you do it! Be useful for once!"

Sakura looked hurt. Akane couldn't care less.

"No way!" said Naruto. "Sakura-chan's not gonna sleep on the floor, and she's been really useful so far! Quit being so mean!"

Akane tugged on the drawstring of her hoodie. "Naruto-kun, name a single thing that Sakura has done on this mission that no one else could do."

He looked lost for words.

She smirked. "But, if you're so set on defending her, why don't  _you_  sleep on the floor?"

He huffed. "Why should I? Maybe two people could share a bed."

Sakura gasped. "That's a great idea! Sasuke-kun, you and I-"

"No," Sasuke cut her off swiftly. She pouted.

"Don't worry, Sakura-chan, I'll share a bed with you!" Naruto piped up.

Sakura scowled and hit him over the head. "Why would I ever want to share a bed with you? Don't be disgusting!"

Naruto cried crocodile tears. "But Sakura-chan..."

Akane snickered. "Better luck next time, Naruto-kun. Or the next, or the next..."

"Don't be so high and mighty, Akane," Sakura huffed. "You try sharing a bed with Naruto, if it's so funny." 

Akane grinned. "I would rather set myself on fire."

"Sleep on the floor, then," said Sakura.

"Okay, you know what-" Akane strode into the center of the room, and turned to face her three teammates. "We'll fight for it. Four-way brawl; whoever loses has to sleep on the floor." She paused. "So we might as well just not do it at all, since we all know Sakura will lose."

Sakura glared at her.

"Nu-uh," Naruto shook her head. "Sakura-chan wouldn't lose. And neither would I, believe it. If anyone'll lose here, it's gonna be you!"

Akane laughed. "What a funny joke, Naruto-kun. Well. If you'd like to get your ass kicked so badly, why don't we just let Sakura and Sasuke have a bed, and whoever wins between us sleeps on the floor?" She paused. "I hope you don't get back pains!"

He scowled, but before he could say anything, there was a knock on the doorframe. "Hello," said Tsunami, smiling. "I've brought the fifth futon. Would one of you help me set it up?"

"Sure!" Naruto bounced over to her, instantly forgetting his anger. "How do I do this?"

"You're sleeping on that one!" Akane called to him, and flopped down on the nearest futon.

"You know, Akane..." Sakura settled down next to her. "You're really mean." 

Akane hummed. "I believe that has been established."

"And you were so ready to fight Naruto just now." She pulled her knees up to her chest. "But earlier, against Zabuza, you worked so well with him."

"Not really," said Akane. "We didn't work together, so much, as I distracted that tool's clone so Naruto could get to the real one. The only thing we worked together with was with the plan."

"Still." Sakura rested her head on her knees. "It's more than I did."

Akane snickered. "Yeah, it is. Everyone else on the team was fighting and you were just standing there like a sloth."

Sakura gave a despondent little hum. "Yeah... I guess."

Akane's eyes fluttered shut, and she was about to drift off to sleep when Sakura's voice roused her again.

"How did you get so strong?" she asked quietly.

Akane opened one eye, annoyed. "Well, I'm naturally smart and talented, obviously. But I trained, too. I never could have gotten to where I am without working hard."

Sakura was silent.

。。。　

"Sensei's awake! Sensei's awake!" Naruto cheered.

"Whoopie," said Akane sarcastically, eating a bite of rice. "It's not like that's literally the first thing a person learns to do. Before even breathing." 

"Akane, he had chakra exhaustion," Sakura scolded her. "Be sympathetic, you had it too."

Akane blinked, not totally sure how the pink-haired girl had come to that conclusion. Actually, she had the  _opposite_  of chakra exhaustion. Her reserves were bigger than ever now.

She was still  _really_  cold, though.

She shivered and tugged the sleeves of her sweater down over her hands. They were the coldest part, which she resented; she could barely do anything without fumbling it. She was genuinely worried she might be getting frostbite.

Brother had never warned her about this. Was it normal, or did something go wrong?

"Whatever," she said, standing up. "You're gonna make me go see him, aren't you?"

Sakura crossed her arms. "He's our sensei, I shouldn't have to  _make_  you go see him."

_He's fuckin_ _ **weird**_ _,_  Akane thought, but strode towards the stairs anyways. "You're annoying," she sighed.

Sakura huffed and followed her.

"Hey, lame-o," said Akane, entering the room where Kakashi lay resting. "Feeling better?"

"Not particularly," said the man, his voice muffled.

She hummed. "How unfortunate."

"Do you want some food, Sensei?" asked Sakura. Considering she was carrying a big plate of food, it didn't seem much like a question.

"Just water for now," said Kakashi.

"I'll get it!" Naruto volunteered, and dashed out of the room. Akane gazed after him with mild concern.

"You gotta eat, Sensei," said Sakura, setting down the plate. "You have chakra exhaustion, so you need to get more energy."

Kakashi sighed. "I suppose that's true."

Sakura blinked, clearly not expecting him to give in that easily. "Huh?"

"I need to recover as quickly as possible," said Kakashi.

Akane hummed. "Figured it out too, huh?"

"Figured out what?" asked Sakura, looking between them with confusion. Behind them, Sasuke also seemed rather lost.

"Alright! I got it!" Naruto burst back into the room, holding a glass of water above his head. Remarkably, it didn't seem to have spilled on his journey. Akane whistled, impressed. "What's goin' on?"

"Thank you, Naruto," said Kakashi, grasping the glass and taking a sip through his mask. "I was just about to tell your teammates -- just because we defeated Zabuza, doesn't mean the mission is over yet."

"Well, yeah," said Sakura. "We were hired to help the bridge builder finish his bridge."

"That's not what he meant." Akane tugged on the hem of her sweater. It was really soft. She probably shouldn't have brought it on the mission, but. Well. It was nice, and it went with her eyes. She ought to wear it more often. "Zabuza isn't the only ninja we're going to have to face. He was only an A-Rank nin, you know, but we still would've had trouble defeating him. Maybe. But now that he's out of the way, Gatou will probably be getting desperate." She gazed down at the floor, her gaze pensive. "He'll hire an S-Rank next."

"What does that mean?" asked Naruto cluelessly.

Akane sighed. "Okay, Naruto-kun, what  _do_  you know?"

He scowled at her.

"Naruto, you know how ninja are grouped into ranks, right?" asked Sakura. At Naruto's hesitant nod, she continued. "S-Rank is the strongest you can get."

"The gap between A-Rank and S-Rank is exponential," said Akane. "And Kakashi could barely defeat Zabuza, an A-Rank." She scoffed. "I think he's gotten lax in peacetime."

"You're right," said Kakashi, surprisingly honest. "I've neglected my training, and it nearly got us killed. I apologize." He bowed his head.

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, then Akane said, "Stop it, man. You did fine. If you were stronger, I wouldn't have gotten to fight."

Kakashi sighed. "I suppose that's as good as I'll get." He looked at them. "We probably have about a week before the Nin show up. And I won't be fully recovered by then, so I'll need to train you guys."

"But Sensei, we couldn't even take Zabuza," said Sakura.

Akane coughed. "Speak for yourself."

"How will a bit of training prepare us for an S-Rank nin?" Sakura continued, ignoring Akane.

"You won't be able to beat them, that's for sure. But you might be able to survive."

"Awesome," said Akane. "I  _live_  for intense training. What will be be doing?"

"Tree-climbing," said Kakashi solemnly.

"I'm outta here," she said, rising to her feet. "You're gonna get us killed."

"Akane," Kakashi called. "Sit down."

She huffed and plopped back down on the floor, looking at him mulishly. "How will climbing a tree help us right an S-Rank nin?" she snapped. "We're not civilians, we can climb trees."

"This is not ordinary tree-climbing," said Kakashi. "We will be using chakra."

Akane blinked. "...Yeah... Kakashi, we're not civilians, we can climb trees."

"Huh?" said Naruto. "What do you mean?"

She sighed. "Well, civilians aren't very good with their chakra-"

"What's catra?" he asked, squinting.

"How did you get catra from chakra?" asked Akane, furrowing her brow. "Even if you don't know the meaning, they could not be more different phonetically-"

"That's enough, Akane." Kakashi looked at her. "Do you already know how to climb trees with chakra?"

"Yeah." She rolled her eyes. "And walk on water. Can I work on my own, Kakashi?"

He sighed. "Stay within earshot," he acquiesced.

She nodded.

He turned to the other genin. "We'll start training tomorrow," he said.

。。。　

"Correction: we will  _try_  to start training tomorrow."

"Oh, hush."

"What?" Akane protested, glancing at the silver-haired man. "This is the most pathetic thing I've ever seen! And I've seen  _you_!"

He gave her a deadpan look. "Akane, at least they're trying their best, which is more than you're doing. Weren't you going to be training too?"

She shrugged. "You know, I was, but then I decided that I didn't want to."

That wasn't actually true. She wanted very much to train, but the only thing she could train with was her newfound Ice Release, and she had no idea how to start with that. She knew raw techniques, yes, but she had no idea how to channel the chakra for them. So, she was taking a temporary break to gather her thoughts and ridicule her teammates.

It was going well so far.

Well, for her, at least.

"Agh!" Naruto screamed. "How the hell do you do this??"

"You don't suck!" Akane called down to him from the tree branch she was perched on, grinning merrily. She swung her feet back and forth. "It's easy once you get the hang of it!"

He glowered at her. "Shut up!"

"No, Akane's right!" Sakura's voice wafted through the clearing. "This is super easy!"

The four of them turned to look her, to see her sitting daintily on a high-up branch. She giggled and waved.

"Well, well..." said Kakashi. "Looks like one of the females on the squad has the most advanced chakra control. Well done, Sakura."

She beamed.

"Yeah! Way to go, Sakura-chan! I always knew you were awesome, believe it!" Naruto shouted.

Sasuke scoffed and looked away. "Whatever."

Akane smirked and leaned forward, resting her elbow on her knee. "Ooh... is Sasuke-kun jealous of getting upstaged?"

"Perhaps," said Kakashi. "Not only does Sakura understand chakra control, but she can control and maintain it as well. We spoke about  _someone_  becoming Hokage one day, didn't we? Seems Sakura's got the best chance of that, wouldn't you say? And as for the great Uchiha clan... maybe they're not so great after all."

Sakura scowled and pointed at him. "Shut up, Sensei! You talk too much!"

Akane pursed her lips and stood up, swinging downwards to the underside of the branch. Chakra flared on the soles of her feet as she strode over to Kakashi. "What the fuck, Hatake?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

He looked at her nonchalantly. "They're motivated now," he said, gesturing to Naruto and Sasuke.

"And?" she prompted him.

He glanced at her. "And what?"

"And what about Sakura?" she snapped, slightly frustrated.

He looked slightly confused. "What about her?"

Akane stared at him for a few moments, then scoffed. "You really  _aren't_  fit to be a Sensei," she said, and hopped back upright. She pulled her lips into a considering frown as she gazed across the clearing. Sakura was sitting on her branch idly, looking despondent as she gazed down at the boys.

Akane twirled a strange of her hair around her finger as she pondered an idea. This might not go great, but... it's not like she had anything better to do.

"Oi! Sakura!" she called, jumping over her her branch to Sakura's. "How'd it going?"

Sakura looked at her suspiciously. "Uh... alright, I guess."

Akane hummed. "Just so you know, Hatake's being a dick. He shouldn't just be using you to motivate those idiots."

Sakura blinked. "Why do you care?"

"I don't," Akane admitted freely. "Not really. It just kinda... rubs me the wrong way, I guess. Most people struggle with the tree-climbing, but you actually seem to be pretty good at it. And yet you're just being used as motivation for someone else." She glanced at Sakura. "I don't like you very much, but that should never happen."

Sakura blushed. "Thanks... I guess."

"Yeah." Akane swung her legs back and forth. "You know what? Let's go."

"Wh-What?" Sakura stammered. "Go where?"

"To do something that will take Sasuke and Naruto-kun months to get." Akane rose to her feet and looked at the pink-haired girl. "Chakra can do a lot more than climb trees, y'know."

。。。

"Walk on water?"

"Yep," said Akane, popping the P. "It's not that hard. Just the next step up from tree-climbing." She looked over at Sakura, who looked slightly apprehensive. "Well? Go for it."

"It looks cold," said Sakura.

Akane nodded. "Just above freezing, actually. Don't be a baby, just don't fall in."

Sakura shivered, but stepped forward anyways and dipped a toe in the water. "Agh! Cold!" she squeaked, yanking her foot back.

Akane blinked. "I told you that already." 

"Well I didn't  _get_  it!" Sakura snapped. "It's awful! It feels like a cold wind could freeze this water!"

The redhead stilled for a moment, then grinned. She pulled off her sweater and fleece pants and tossed them to the side, leaving her in a tank-top and shorts. "Hey, Sakura! Cannonball!" she shouted, plunging into the lake.

"Are you insane?" Sakura shrieked.

"Debatable," said Akane, rubbing her hands over her arms. "I probably shouldn't have jumped in.  _But_ , here's another ninja trick: temperature regulation."

She closed her eyes and focused on her chakra core, then smiled as she felt warm energy flooding through her veins. It felt like it was summer. 

"Alright, so," she said, turning towards Sakura, who was still looking at her with a worried expression. "Maybe I should teach you temperature regulation before water walking, because this water is definitely cold enough to cause you to go into cold shock and I really don't want to have to deal with that."

"Uh. Okay," said Sakura. "How do I do that?"

"Do you feel your chakra core?" asked Akane.

Sakura furrowed her brow. "I think so."

"Awesome. So. Grab onto that and just... pull it out. Gently. If you do it too roughly, you could mess it up, but if you're too gently, nothing will happen. It's not that difficult, though, your chakra seems pretty cooperative."

Having given her expert advice, Akane swam out to the center of the pool, leaving an astonished Sakura at the shore. She cupped a handful of water in her palms and closed her eyes, directing chakra to the cold water.

It took nearly five minutes, but eventually she heard a telltale crackle, and her palms grew much colder. She opened her eyes to see a large chunk of ice bobbing in the water.

"Yes!" she cheered.

"Huh?" Sakura called. "What happened?"

"I made a breakthrough, is all," said Akane, turning to face her. "How 'bout you?"

Sakura furrowed her brow. "I've gotten it as far as my torso, but I keep losing control around my arms and legs..."

"Don't worry, that's natural," said Akane. "Keep trying, no one gets it right away."

Sakura smiled.

。。。

"What happened to you two?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow at Akane and Sakura's soaking forms.

"Well," said Akane. "I tried to teach Sakura temperature regulation, and I thought she got it so I splashed a lot of water on her, but it turns out she lost control of the last second, and she can't concentrate now since she's freezing, and so now I need to warm her up or else she'll get hypothermia." She beamed. "It was fun!"

"I-I'm g-g-g-going to k-k-kill you," Sakura said through chattering teeth.

Akane scoffed. "Sure you are."

。。。

The next few days passed in quick succession. Sasuke and Naruto made slow progress on their tree-climbing, while Sakura and Akane charged ahead with their various projects. Sakura completed temperature regulation within a day and a half, and could walk on water fairly well within another two days. Akane had just managed to perform her first successful Ice Release technique.

And then, all too soon, came the week's end.

Or not too soon at all, in Akane's opinion. Training was great and all, but it got really boring. Thankfully...

"Wh-what's this?" asked Tazuna frightfully as he looked around at the carnage around his bridge. "Who could've done this?"

"Uh, lots of people." Akane tapped her chin. "These are civilians, so really, any ninja worth his salt could kill a bunch of them-"

"That's not the point here, Akane," Kakashi scolded her. "Be quiet."

Akane huffed, but fell silent.

"Well, then." A mocking voice rang through the air. "Looks like the ninja finally showed up. About time, huh?"

"I think it's around nine!" she called out helpfully. "Who are you again?"

"Oh, I think you'll recognize us."

Two figures melted out of the mist. One was significantly taller than the other, but both loomed over Akane, which she resented. They wore billowing black cloaks with a red cloud in the middle. Akane personally thought that those were horrible fashion choices, but she supposed they were probably part of a some sort of cult.

Besides, it didn't matter how fashion-blind they were, as long as they could put up a good fight.

Next to her, Sasuke stiffened, and his breathing grew rapid. "You..." he hissed.

The shorter one stepped forward and angled his head, letting his face out of shadows.

"Hello again, foolish little brother." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did someone say canon divergence? Oh, right. I did. I SAID CANON DIVERGENCE.   
> Also, this chapter hasn't been edited, so that's why it might seem a bit more choppy than the other ones. Please let me know if you see any mistakes!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, and welcome to What Doesn't Kill Me! I'm only writing it because I lost a bet, but I'm actually having some fun with it, so let's just see where it goes.   
> Thank you for reading! All comments and criticism are welcome and greatly appreciated.   
> (That includes any grammar and/or formatting errors, since this is the first time I've ever posted to AO3 and its format confuses me SO MUCH-)


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